What is Grief?  - Some Definitions and Links to Comfort and Support . . .

What is grief?

• Dictionaries define grief as “an emotion of great sadness associated with loss or bereavement”, or “deep mental anguish following a bereavement”.
• Another grief definition might be: “keen distress or suffering especially at the death of someone”.
• But grief is not just deep sadness. It can involve many other emotions of grief, such as denial, pain, guilt, anger, resentment, jealousy, depression, but finally acceptance.
• Some people use the '5 stages of grief' to define the process.  These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  Read more about the origin of these stages here. 

See below for definitions for complicated, traumatic, anticipatory, and disenfranchised grief.  

Grief may also include physical symptoms such as shock, numbness, loss of appetite, nausea, sleep disturbances, loss of libido, and many general aches and pains.

In complicated grief there may be more severe symptoms such as those that occur in post traumatic stress disorder and it tends to go on for longer.  Read about how to deal with it here.  

In my experience, grief is the pain caused by the lack of the physical presence of the loved one, and not being able to see or talk to them again. For me, having lots of photographs of the loved one around helps, as that way you can still talk to them. Some people need a memorial or a grave to visit as a way of connecting with the loved one.

See also our page of beautiful definitions of grief from our colleagues and experts. 

Types of Grief

Grief can be for:

Loss of a grandparent

Loss of a parent

Loss of a baby, child or teenager

Miscarriage or stillbirth

Loss of a twin

Loss of a young adult

Loss of a brother, sister, best friend

No one bereavement is ever like another. There can be death after a long illness, sudden death, accidents, suicide, overdose or self-harm. Loved ones are lost after a murder, or they can just disappear and no-one knows whether they are alive or dead.

Read more about bereavement and mourning

Learn about the causes and how to prevent and cope with suicide

What is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is for the loss of someone who hasn't died yet, or it can be for yourself if you have a terminal illness.  

Examples of anticipatory grief are for: 

• Someone with a terminal illness

• Missing persons

• Someone in a coma or vegetative state

• Someone with dementia or Alzheimers' disease

Read more about anticipatory grief.

If you have a loved one with Alzheimer's disease, you might find my book useful.  Click on the image for more information. 

What is Disenfranchised Grief?

As well as grief for someone who has died or disappeared, there are many other losses in life which can cause serious emotions of grief. People often don’t realise that you are suffering from grief in these situations, and this is sometimes referred to as disenfranchised grief.

Disenfranchised grief can be caused by losing a limb, becoming wheelchair bound, and by many other health issues and the financial worry that a disability can bring.

Lifestyle changes can cause grief, for example, losing a job. The grief is major and is often not recognised as grief in these circumstances. The shock, pain and anxiety can be as severe as any bereavement.

Kenneth J Doka has this excellent definition:  "I define disenfranchised grief as grief that results when a person experiences a significant loss and the resultant grief is not openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly mourned. In short, although the individual is experiencing a grief reaction, there is no social recognition that the person has a right to grieve or a claim for social sympathy or support." in this paper for the American Psychological Association. 

Some more examples of disenfranchised grief might be:

Divorce or separation

Infidelity and it's Effect on Children

Couple Break Up and the Grief it Causes

Lack of fertility

Birth Mother Grief - When You Have to Give up a Child for Adoption

Adoption Discovery - When You Discover You Were Adopted

Abortion

Homesickness

Empty Nest Syndrome - When the Children Leave Home

Empty Nest Divorce

Job Loss

Job loss due to disability or illness

Coping with Chronic Illness - see this uplifting story by Sarah, recently diagnosed with MS

Having a disabled child

Loss of health or loss of a limb

Loss of a pet

Loss of first love

Celebrity deaths - grieving over a famous person

Major disasters – even if we didn’t know anyone involved – such as the 9/11 World Trade Center terrorist attack.

What is Traumatic Grief?

Traumatic grief occurs usually after sudden violent loss from major natural disasters, major transport disasters or terrorist attacks.

It also occurs after violent deaths by murder, which can evoke many complicated emotions of bitterness, hate and revenge towards the murderer as well as the normal emotions of grief.

What is Complicated Grief?

This is grief that does not resolve itself naturally but seriously affects the person’s ability to function. It usually requires treatment.

Complicated grief may often be associated with traumatic grief, but often occurs in situations where the person is not able to acknowledge or seek support for their grief.

Learn how to deal with complicated grief here.  

RElated Pages: 

Definitions of Grief by the Experts

Best Books on Grief

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and the 5 Stages of Grief

Grief and Sympathy Home > What is Grief?

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