Coping with Miscarriage and the Fear of Getting Pregnant Again 

Coping with miscarriage and the fear of getting pregnant after miscarriage are all forms of grief. You might not get as much sympathy as someone who has carried a baby to term, but that doesn't make your grief any less valid. Grief surrounding miscarriage is not always recognised by others, but it can be as painful and difficult as any other type of grief.  

It is the loss of the hope and dreams for a future family life. 

Thoughts that go through the mind are: 

  • will it happen again? 
  • was it a boy or a girl? 
  • what would their future have been? 

Sometimes, these thoughts can arise many years after the miscarriage has happened.  

For many women, the dream of having a family is a huge part of their life plan, and a part of their identity, so the loss of a child can create a big void in their lives and they wonder whether a family will ever be possible.  

The emotions of grief are similar to any loss in our lives.  There is no competition to say whose grief is greater.  The reality is, that even if you lose a child you have never met, that loss can cause a great emotional upheaval and still cause sadness many years later, even after having subsequent children.  

Miscarriage is More Common than You Think 

Miscarriage is very common. Many women who have irregular menstruation may not even be aware it has happened. Other women are relieved if the pregnancy was not planned or they are worried about coping with other children and a new baby. Many consider it nature's way of coping with an embryo which was just not viable. Spontaneous miscarriage is defined as the loss of a foetus before 14 weeks gestation. (See also our page on stillbirth)

Mother nature has put a high standard on viable embryos and many are flushed away each month with the menstrual cycle. However, some miscarriages cause as much shock, pain and grief to the mother and her partner as a stillbirth at term.

Couples today establish careers, prepare a home, then plan to start families later in life. Becoming pregnant in your late thirties or early forties can take longer than expected and couples are thrilled and delighted when pregnancy occurs. So when a miscarriage happens it is a major lifetime crisis, as they were desperate to start a family. It can be a terrible loss and often it is a couple’s first experience of grief and the first time carefully made plans are disrupted. After planning their careers and creating their lifestyles it can be difficult to come to terms with the inability to control Mother Nature.

Snowdrops to symbolise miscarriage and the loss of a baby

Many women suffer miscarriage during their childbearing years. It may take months to conceive again and then there is the often unnecessary worry that a miscarriage may happen again, especially as the maternal clock is ticking. It’s a good idea to see a doctor and have a check up, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it will happen again.

Remember it is very common and if the doctor has reassured you that all is normal then there is no reason to worry unduly. Although it’s a major anxiety, next time the beautiful baby and family you want could well be the outcome.

Try to remember the joy of discovering you were pregnant and how you felt when you saw the scan, and try again. 

Coping with Miscarriage

People may not realise just how much grief and pain you are feeling, so discuss the loss with friends and family. They won’t know unless you tell them. It was your planned baby and you have every right to grieve. Friends and family may not realise this and coping with miscarriage alone is very hard.   

You might like a keepsake to remember your lost baby by. Many people nowadays find wearing a piece of miscarriage jewelry helps. This might be a little medallion or ribbon, a heart or a forget-me-not, just as a reminder.

You might be anxious and confused. You are desperate to have the longed for baby, but at the same time scared to go through the experience again.

You might be reluctant to have sex with your partner, and perhaps problems with your relationship might result. So talk to your partner about your fears and grief, and if necessary talk to your doctor about your anxieties. Be aware that men and women may grieve differently. Men have a tendency not to show their feelings, but it doesn’t mean they are not grieving. Talk to your partner. Share the grief together. Don’t just assume that your partner feels nothing if they are not talking about it. Go to the doctors’ together, and even get counselling together if you feel that it is needed.

Read this mother's story about Miscarriage Grief and having a baby after miscarriage

Dandelion clock - to represent the fragility of life.

Hoping to Get Pregnant after Miscarriage?

Try to relax, keep fit and eat well. Stop smoking and drinking if you are trying to become pregnant. That applies to the father as well! 

Being a parent is a full time, seven days a week job. Enjoy the freedom of being a couple while you can. Take a holiday, start a hobby and be positive about your life. 

When you feel confident and the time is right try again. Just because you have experienced a miscarriage does not mean it will happen again. Remember, it is very common and if the doctor has reassured you that all is normal, then there is no reason to worry unduly. If you are depressed and finding it difficult to shake off the emotional pain of your miscarriage, do seek medical help. You may even find a local support group or grief counselor. Ask at your local medical practice for information.

Coping with Miscarriage and the Grief of Unsuccessful IVF

After many medical tests, many couples have to start the much anticipated family with the help of IVF. Fortunately today the procedure and success rate are much improved, but it can still take many attempts before a pregnancy takes.

When the efforts are not a success the grief can be overwhelming. The couple have lost their dream of a future family. Friends and family may not realise just how sad you can feel.

Talk it through, tell them how you both feel and support each other. You will need time to come to terms with the fact. You still have each other and your shared love and can still have a happy life together. Your partner, family and friends are the treasures in your life. Take each day as a blessing and another pregnancy may not be far away.  

Get Private and Confidential Help in the Privacy of Your Own Home

  • Simply fill out the online questionnaire and you will be assigned the expert grief counselor most suitable for you.  It only takes a few minutes and you don't even have to use your name.  
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  • Contact your counselor whenever you like by chat, messaging, video or phone. 
  • You can change counselor at any time if you wish.
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Self-Help Hypnosis Downloads

Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind and help you cope with your grief. We recommend Hypnosis Downloads which have been created especially for those who are grieving by qualified specialists in medical hypnotherapy.

Choose from this list of grief and loss tracks for your specific type of loss.  

Memorial Magnolia Tree

The Magnolia is one of the earth's oldest plants, with a spectacular flower which dates back 95 million years.  What a beautiful specimen to commemorate a life. 

These trees are grown by the foremost magnolia nursery in the USA and they will send a variety most suited to the recipient's climate. 

The flowers in spring will bring joy to the bereaved and help to heal their heart.

Only available in the USA. 

For Memorial Trees within the UK, click here

Heart Shaped Sterling Silver Pendant for Cremation Ashes, Engraved Forever Loved

Memorial Pendant for Cremation Ashes

Keep the ashes of your loved one close to your heart with this sterling silver engraved pendant.  

Available here from Etsy and ships worldwide.  

With Sympathy Gifts And Keepsakes

Choose from a beautiful range of sympathy gifts and keepsakes.  From jewellery to garden angels, candles, comforting books and artworks, memorial plaques, throws, wind chimes and keepsake boxes.  You will find the perfect gift to comfort a friend or relative here.  

Click here to see the whole range

Related Pages: 

A Mother's Story of Miscarriage

Books on Coping with Miscarriage

Where to Find Grief Support

> > Coping with Miscarriage

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