My mother's death - could more have been done?

by Neil
(Glasgow Scotland)

My mother died on the 27th December 2013 of heart failure. She was on antibiotics for an infection and seemed OK, but soon fell ill rapidly and was taken off the meds, and put on a mask when she died gasping for air and had rolling eyes,and non responsive. Is this normal because I feel more could have been done?

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Dec 29, 2013
So sorry for your loss, but our lives are limited.
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

I am so sorry for your loss and it is very hard to cope when death is sudden. The response is often to ask should we have done this or that?

Any infection can also put much pressure on to the heart. A dear friend lost her wonderful son of only 12 years when the flu virus affected his heart. We always used to say that Pneumonia was the old persons friend.

With modern medicine we all think that everything can be cured. This is sadly just not true and is false reasoning.

Lifespans are varied and we have to accept the inevitable that the only truth in life is that we have a limited lifetime.

Your mother was very lucky to have had someone who really cared I wish you well and lots of positive thoughts.

Have a look at some of our pages to help you through your grief.

Losing a Parent

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Lost my mother, Dad has a new woman

by Monique


I lost my mother about 8 months ago. My parents were married 40 years, and my Dad moved on just 3 short months after her death. He moved his new girlfriend in and only knew her for about a week.

My father is also my employer and has been for 8 years due to him having his own business and him getting hurt, I had to help run the business. But now that my father has this new woman in his life he disregards any of my feelings. He even lies about having money to pay me on a weekly basis because he spends all of his money on her.

I'm really confused on how to handle my situation and I have no other family other than my Dad, so please help with any advice. Thank you.

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Dec 03, 2013
Condolences on the loss of your mother
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Dear Monique

First of all, my sympathy on the loss of your mother.

Regarding your father, many people find it very difficult to be on their own following the loss of a partner especially after so many years married. It must be better for you to see that he has friendship and you don't have to worry about him being alone and miserable. You can only stand back and hope the relationship is genuine and a compliment to your mother. If his marriage had been difficult he may not have wanted a commitment again so soon.

However you are still grieving and the situation can be difficult, you just have to make sure that you do not lose out with your work and salary.

Maintain your caring daughter image and be there for him if this relationship breaks down. If she isn't genuinely caring about him it might. Your father makes his own choices as you do. I wish you well.

Dec 05, 2013
ur answer
by: Priyanka

don't panic too much . I know u have lossed ur mom but ur mom must b around u looking at u. she wont like u to b sad n tensed n ur dad I guess he loved ur mom n its restless living without partner may be so he feels happy and relaxed with her. and dear if u find her a good lady n if she is really very cooeperative loving n caring to u n ur dad u can see a family with her. I know its v v difficult but if u go against her I don't wanna u to loose ur dad too. or else u hav a talk on the dinner table n put ur thoughts on the table straight away. don't get hyper don't b upset just be matured n tal to them on the table n straightaway from is in ur heart exactly.

Dec 09, 2013
Dear Devoted Daughter
by: Anonymous

Firstly, I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear Mother.
May I begin by relating a bit of my history? This is not in the spirit of ,"Up-Griefing," you, but , to let you know that as a fellow Californian there are many situations like this that do occur.
A very shady woman from Belize took care of my late mother. When my dear mother passed away- this woman took advantage of my fathers grief emotionally and financially. I lived out of town, and was not in charge of her employment. She methodically separated my father from his family, and eventually got control of his checkbook.
I'm sure you know that in Californias' current culture this type of situation runs rampant. There are a flood of crimes against the elderly, here.
The woman who moved in on your dad may have or may not have his best interests in mind. We can assume that she has her own interests in mind or she would not be the type of woman who moves in with a widower in such haste.
I am truly sorry for the agonizing, helpless pain that you are feeling. It is possible that your dad may be defensive about this subject. But, please remember ( what a good social worker told me) ; You Are His Daughter.
Check his bank statements for money that the move-in may be spending. Copy everything you can, and keep a file. Urge him to lock-up all financial records. Communicate to him that you would like to see any agreement of document before he signs it.
Are you his trustee, and power of attorney? These are the important things to think about in addition to your grief. This is a painful situation, and your concern is valid. You can also contact adult protective services free of charge. They will visit, talk to, and work with you both. Research the woman thoroughly. Is she an illegal alien? Does she have a criminal record? Does she have a drug or alcohol habit? Is she entertaining her friends and relatives in his home, and expecting him to support all of them? Research these issues in her country of origin. It's important, and not that expensive. There are some great elder abuse attorneys in California, and you can find legal aid to help you. Just keep at it. Create your file, and when the time is right -share this information with your dad.
It took several years of pure hell to find and prove to my dad that the housekeeper was manipulating his checkbook. But, when he saw the proof- he fired her! If he was co-habitating with her, we would have been in a much more serious situation. Evicting someone who has established legal residence in your home in the state of California is a long costly process.
You are in my prayers!
Love and Strength To You

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Still numb and worried not grieving or dealing with feelings

by Paula P.

I had my Mom living with us for the last 8 months of her life. From diagnosis, I went to every appointment,procedures etc. We've shared all the highs and lows.

She's been gone 6 weeks now and I'm stunned at how little I'm crying. Although I'm not a cryer, I'm concerned I'm avoiding or not allowing myself to get in touch with the pain. I am aware that numb is part of the process. I certainly have had my moments and understand we all do it at our own pace. Need a reality check on this.

Thank You

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Jan 25, 2014
The shock of grief can take time. . . .
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Hello Paula.

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother had a wonderful daughter to support her in her last months.

Because you were so involved in her care, you will have had some time to prepare yourself mentally and will have suffered some anticipatory grief. Having said that, the shock of grief can still be very strong.

Shock can keep you numb for many weeks or months. It is a protective mechanism from the pain of grief. Many people can go for months without crying. However, when tears arrive it can be difficult to stop. Often a friendly shoulder to cry on will be needed.

One day, something will trigger the realisation of your loss. It can be quite unexpected. One friend suddenly started crying on the golf course. The trigger may take you by surprise. This can be a painful period, but it is part of the process which eventually leads to acceptance and coping with your huge loss. It will happen when you are ready.

We wish you all the best along the pathways of grief. Take it a day at a time, and keep reading our pages which will help you to understand what is happening. Feel free to come back and comment here and let us know how you are getting on and if you need any further help. Perhaps other readers will share their experiences of this too.

Comfort and strength to you in your journey.


Jan 26, 2014
So sorry for your loss.
by: sonya mcknight

Hi i am so sorry for your loss.

It is normal at this stage it is called griefing you are in shock.

I lost my mum in jan 2012 and 2 years now it is still with me but 7 months into my grief it was taking over me mentally and physically and still is.

I went to see a grief counsellour and I have worked through the stages of grief accept the acceptance one which now I am working on.

It is early days for you at the moment but if you feel this way in time to come go and seek help because if you do not the grief will take over and believe me you do not want to go there. When my mum was alive I was on a high and now my mum is gone i am in the middle but i will go lower and lower if I do not get practical help and support to accept some day down the line that my mum is gone that is why the stages of grief have to be worked through if you do nor work through them then you will never feel better and I know your mum and mine would not want that to happen they would want us to remember them in a healthy way and grief in a healthy way to.

Hope this has helped you and again I am soory for your loss.

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Lost my mother suddenly, who was caring for her mother that has dementia.

Eleven days ago I received a call from my brother telling me he had to call 911 for our mother. he had gone by to check on our mother and grandmother after not being able to reach them by phone. Finding mother on the floor and grandmother in her bedroom he dialed 911 immediately.

The ambulance took both our mother (70 yrs old) and grandmother (92 yrs old) to the hospital. Needless to say my mother could not be saved but my grandmother started improving that night and was moved to CCU. My brother is 50 and I am 48.

This happened late on Thursday 3/6/14 and we laid her to rest 3/9/14. our grandmother was released from the hospital on 3/10/14 and I brought her home with me.

I have not had time to grieve due to the care my grandmother requires.

We have not told my grandmother about our mother passing for fear it will send her spiraling healthwise. The doctors and nurses I talked to said to wait for her to ask about our mother and we would know what to do then. She hasn't asked yet and I wonder if she ever will since she has dementia. There has been a time or two that I notice her looking as if she wants to ask a question but so far all she ever says is everything is OK.

Not telling her about her daughter passing has eaten at me so much. Am I doing the right thing by not telling her? I would never forgive myself if I told her and she got worse health wise but is it right to keep this from her?

I also know it's not healthy for me not to grieve the loss of my mother. Everyone is worried about me and I guess they're justified. I had a heart attack 3 years ago this April 29th. I had a rough day this past Thursday (13th) but kept it brief and away from my grandmother.

I need some advice on these few things, I want to do what is right regarding my grandmother. With her having dementia it's possible I would have to tell her everyday and I just don't think I could re-live my mother's passing everyday.

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Mar 17, 2014
Sorry to hear your story
by: michelle

I feel for you. Such difficult things to deal with.

My husband has dementia and I am learning a new understanding of kindness. Diversion is a friend, not a lie. Why cause unnecessary momentary suffering that might need to be repeated again and again?

I often try to think of how I would like to be treated if I had the problem of dementia. And I think constantly hearing for the first time of the death of someone I loved would not be kind.

I wish you courage and strength as you face these challenges!

Mar 17, 2014
Condolences on the loss of your mother
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

I am so sorry to hear about your mother and feel how courageous you are to be coping with your grief and caring for your grandmother.

You are doing the right thing for yourself and your grandmother in not telling her at the moment. It would probably confuse her more and yes, she could be asking you many times a day about "Where is my daughter"? You are so familiar to her that she is just accepting you as the carer. It's possible she even thinks you are her daughter.

Tell her when or if she asks only then.

Do ask for family help so you get some time to yourself. You do need time to cry for your loss. Do get day centre help too. You need time to visit a friend, shop, have a hairdo or have a few hours alone.

Read our site, talk to family and decide if you can continue this full time care permanently. It
is a huge commitment for anyone. You should consider your own health too.

We wish you well in whatever you decide to do. Your health should be a priority. No one can do full time care if they are sick and you do need time to grieve.

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I lost my mother

by JEN

I lost my mom in 2008. Me and my stepdad found her. She had type two diabetes. She died on my brother's birthday-August 9, 2008. I held on to the fact that she hadn't actually died until a doctor told us that she had been dead since 5 am that morning.

My mother raised me and my brother as a single mother. She then got married. She had dreams. She was sweet and beautiful. She was strict. She is the reason that I strived to work hard, to not make excuses, to dream.

So when she was stolen from me, I lost sight of who I was. I gained it back, but I am still fighting to discover who I am. I was so sure of myself when she was around. I never second guessed who was I I don't know.

She never will see me get married to my true love. She will never see me bring her grandchild into the world. She will never enjoy vacation time with me. Or call me. She isn't here to enjoy the rewards of my hardwork and she should be. She is the reason I earned it all.

After she died, I'd call her phone and listen to her voicemail. After she died, I just kept thinking she'd walk through the door at every family function.

Now I don't know how to grieve.

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Oct 29, 2016
Delayed Grief for Loss of Your Mother
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Dear Jen

Thank you for writing to us. We are sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. It must be a great comfort to know that you had such a good relationship with her, not everyone has that. She seems to have been a lovely caring person.

Mothers are a very important part of our lives, their loss leaves a huge gap. Your loss of confidence and anxiety are symptoms of your grief for her.

You are the great daughter she created. You will get your confidence and identity back. Do it for her but also for yourself. What you have lost is your confidence not your identity - you are the same person.

When major life changes are happening, a new home, wedding or children arrive, we all want to share and discuss with our loved ones. It does make their loss more difficult.

She would be so pleased and proud of these changes. She would not want you to be so sad. You have to create a life for yourself and what better example than the one she showed you.

Grief for a loved one can go on for years, you will never forget them. At certain cross roads in your life, you will miss them more than at others, this is only natural.

Do find an understanding friend or support group to talk to. You will discover that your feelings are common and a major part of grief.

The loss of your mother was such a crisis in your life there will be many occasions when you miss her badly.

We have to cope for ourselves and to prove that our love for them made us strong.

There are many pages on the site about coping with these difficult episodes we hope you may find some comfort in them.

Denial and Interruption of the Grief Process

Loss of Self Identity

Our best wishes


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I Lost My Precious Mother On Mother's Day: Overwhelmed With Grief And Sorrow

(Name withheld)

My mother and I both repented, lived holy lives, with clean hands and pure hearts. God was first love and first priority. We prayed for at least 3 hours each and every day, and studied the Bible for at least 1 hour every day. Prayer was the very first thing in the morning. Our faith was very strong. We strove to obey God's commandments, including keeping the Sabbath day holy. We attended Sabbath services. We served God. Preached the true gospel.

We both practiced abstinence, self-sacrifice and self-discipline, so we didn't spend money on holidays, restaurants or other pleasures. We were truly faithful disciples of Christ, by striving to live according to His word. Out of the little that we had, we donated money to charities and helped homeless people. We were never ever involved in occultism.

My mother was totally faithful to my father in marriage, although he was very abusive towards her. Although, she forgave him many times, the abuse didn't stop. On the contrary, the more she forgave, the worse the abuse became. It reached a point where she had no choice but to divorce him. From then on, my mother never remarried. She lived the life of a widow for twenty years. We lived a very modest and quiet life.

We practiced celibacy and sexual abstinence. Our lives resembled those of nuns. My mother was very protective of me and she taught me to pray since I was two years of age. While parents usually read fairy tale stories to their children, I slept with the Bible under my pillow, which I took with me to the private school that my mother enrolled me in, and I learned about God. We put so much faith and trust in God and I feel like He has really let us down.

The verses in Psalm 103:1-5 state: "Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed."

My mother suffered from colorectal cancer which spread to her liver and kidneys, heart failure, pulmonary edema and anaemia, including numerous other medical issues. I was completely shocked, devastated and heartbroken when my mother passed away at an early age, and I read her long medical report, which went on and on. She was in terrible pain and had near fatal falls on a few occasions. Despite praying to God continuously, from early morning until late at night, with fasting and begging for my mother to be healed, my prayers returned unanswered. The more I prayed and fasted, the worse her health became. It deteriorated so much that she was bed-ridden for one year and couldn't see the light of day. None of these illnesses run on my mother's side of the family. We both took care of our health by drinking fruit and vegetable juices, exercising and more importantly, absolutely NO smoking, drugs or alcohol.

While other people were celebrating Mother's Day with gifts like cakes, chocolates and flowers, as well as dining with their mothers at restaurants or taking them on luxury cruises, my mother was in the morgue awaiting cremation.

God's people are plagued by an entire series of extremely serious illnesses—including a number of leading people directly involved in the work. During the 1980's there was a huge number of ministers wives that were stricken. It has always been a fact that wives of so many ministers and church leaders have been stricken by cancer.

In 2016, Cornerstone Contact Centre pastor Don Cameron died at the age of 45 years, after a battle with cancer.

Jeffery Largent, pastor of Culver flock passed away in 2016, at the age of 59 years, after his second battle with cancer.

Church of the Highlands Greystone Campus Pastor Keith Lindsey passed away in 2016 after a lengthy battle with cancer.

Kara Tippetts, wife of PCA church pastor Jason Tippetts of Westside Church, in Colorado Springs, Colorado, is a devout Christian mother of four, who had stage-four breast cancer and passed away at the age of 38, in 2015, after a long battle.

In 2014, Steve Hill, the evangelist of the Brownsville Revival, passed away at his Alabama home Sunday after fighting a long battle with cancer. He was 60 years old.

LaKisha died in 2014, at the age of 40 after an 18-month battle with breast cancer. She was the wife of Pastor Breonus Mitchell of Greater Grace Temple Community Church.

A Wesleyan pastor, Daniel “Danny” Eiler, age 30, passed away in 2014, after battling leukemia. He served as senior pastor of The Springs Community Church in Ringgold, Georgia.

David Landrith, senior pastor of Long Hollow Baptist Church in Hendersonville, died at age 51. Landrith was diagnosed with an extremely rare and aggressive form of cancer known as colorectal melanoma in 2013.

In 2009, founder and pastor of Victory Christian Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Billy Joe Daugherty's battle with cancer took a turn for the worse as he fought an infection at Houston's M.D. Anderson Hospital. He passed away at the age of 57 years.

The list goes on and on ...

My mother's faith was very strong right to the very end when she passed away, and I wish to point out the fact that I even called for the elders of the church to anoint my mother with olive oil, as the following scripture states in: James 5:14-15 - Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.

The scripture obviously wasn't fulfilled in my mother's life who was a faithful Christian, and the lives of many other faithful Christians.

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Dec 20, 2016
Grief for Loss of Your Mother - Questioning Your Faith is Natural
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Thank you for writing to us. It is so sad to hear that your mother died on Mothers day. A double blow for you. You were obviously very close and gave her a lot of love and care. It sounds as if you devoted most of your time to her and now you need time to reassess your life. It is your precious lifetime and your mother would have wanted you to have some happy times. Try helping at your church with the Sunday school or womens' groups. You could get involved with the choir. There are many charity shops wanting volunteers. If you go out more and meet people you will begin to feel better and make friends.

In Oct 2014 the Pope made a speech saying that evolution and science had an important role in the world. He also said that God was not a magician with a magic wand. He cannot make all the world's ills go away. There would be no more homeless refugees, or thousands of women and children with no home, food or clothing. We take these things for granted.

You mentioned how many caring people died from cancer. Latest research figures show that 454.8 per 100.000 men and women per year are diagnosed. It is common that we have family and friends who have the disease. My wonderful mother died from it too.

Age is no barrier, children die from this terrible disease as well. There are many types and causes of this. No one is to blame and there is no guarantee of long lifespans. What is important is the quality of our lives. You had some caring times with your mother. The love you had is why you are feeling so grief stricken now.

There are pages on this site about loss of our precious mothers and we are sure you will find some comfort there. How to Cope with the Loss of Your Mother

It may help you to talk to your pastor at this difficult time, or join a grief support group. Losing a mother is one of the most difficult losses to come to terms with. You will do it for her sake and will eventually find your new life rewarding. Grief is the price we pay for love. Many people never know that love.

Read our page on What Grief Meansand you will realize that the deep sadness you feel is a natural part of the grieving process.

Our good wishes to you and we hope you find comfort and support.

The Grief and Sympathy team.

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Lost My Parents

by Lee
(Waco, texas)

On September 1, 2014 my mom died and then October 14, 2014 my father died. I was caregiving for my father, along with my fiance. I found him dead in his bed. I am having a hard time forgetting that moment and a hard time coping with losing both parents. Why did this happen?

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Jan 29, 2015
Coping with Multiple Losses
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Thank you for contacting We send you our deepest sympathy at this sad and very difficult time for you.

To lose both parents in such a short space of time is a huge loss, our parents are the ones we go to throughout our lives for comfort and support.

Being your father’s carer has given you a huge responsibility and no doubt as most carers do, you have neglected you own needs. Finding your father was a huge shock and we hope he died peacefully in his sleep.

I am pleased to hear that you have a fiancé and hope this tragedy will bring you close so that you can comfort and support each other. As he shared your father’s care he will be grieving too.

You will never forget your parents but you will cope, take each day at a time and try to keep busy. Keep on top of finances, household tasks and all routines. The sad thing is we have no choice but to cope and get on with our lives after a loss. Do it for them. Show that you will get on with the life they created for you and enjoy time for yourself. When you have been a full time caregiver it takes time to adapt to the freedom and lack of the care routines. You realise just how much of your time was spent on these tasks.

There will be unnecessary thoughts of did I do all I could? There will be guilt around, did I lose my patience sometimes? To be the full time caregiver you are one in a million. Many of us cannot take on the huge responsibility, you can be proud of yourself for that. I am sure they would have been proud too.

You asked "Why did this happen"? The one certainty in our lives is that we will we reach our allotted time lifespans. No one knows how long this will be whether it is three weeks, thirty years or ninety years. All life is precious and a miracle of the universe there are no guarantees of longevity.

"Enjoy today as tomorrow never comes" is a wise old saying.

You have had a harsh shock in losing both parents in this short time. It is life’s misfortunes that have dealt a wicked blow. There is no one to blame.

It is commoner than people think for one partner to die very soon after they have lost the other. Latest research shows that grief affects the heart and can result in other medical issues. Physical and emotional health is affected by grief. It may be difficult to sleep and eat. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. It is early days for you and the feelings of desolation are natural. Shock helps to numb the pain in the early days. Anxiety and panic are all part of these early symptoms. Try to relax and let these feelings go, they are adrenaline rushes and will subside. There are many links on the site to explain further the grief pathways and how to cope.

Remember you are not alone. You have already made a big step forward by contacting us and we give lots of advice and help on the site and the forum where others are suffering too. It does help to read how others coped or are adapting to the new life style.

Is it easy? No. Will you cope? Yes. You will get through for your parents, for yourself and your fiancé.

Keep up with friends, ask them to go for coffee or shopping. Talk to a good friend and cry on her shoulder when you need too. Try to say" I am fine" when people ask. You kid yourself too. Keep your support needs for close family and friends.
You may feel that some friends are avoiding you, but it may be that they do not know what to say and are afraid of upsetting you. Ring them and let them know you would like to see them.

Don’t be afraid of all the tears. They will come at unsuspected moments when you hear a familiar tune or see a movie you enjoyed with them, tears are a good release valve.

I have written a page for the site on grieving multiple losses so am sending you the link to it. I wish you all the best and do contact again any time, other readers may also contact you on the forum with ideas. A problem shared does help.

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Losing my father so suddenly is the hardest thing any daughter would have to endure

by Rosalie Martinez
(Victorville Ca)

Losing a loved one ❤ is the hardest thing anyone should go through but its a part of life and it's hard to accept but with the grieving and sadness now follows sorrow but knowing that your loved one is no longer suffering or in any kind of pain should bring a everlasting piece in your heart and in your soul knowing that your beloved father is at rest and watching over you should bring everlasting love and memories of all your childhood memories with all the special moments and memories and it's okay to cry and feel sad every once in awhile that helps and that's a part of the healing process❤ just know your loved one is at peace and with comfort and resting with their angels in heaven and with our Heavenly Father❤❤❤😢💋 love you always and forever gone but never forgotten
My hero my heart and soul my father
Love you always and forever your daughter

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Aug 09, 2016
Losing a Father
by: Anonymous

I know the feeling. I lost my daddy July 20 2016, I'm lost without him. He was my rock, always encouraging me when others didn't and giving me hope when I felt I had none left. My dad was in perfect health and on the dreadful day had an heart attack. ...every morning I wake with tears streaming down my face because I realize it's another day without my daddy.

Aug 10, 2016
So sorry for your loss
by: Lesley from Grief and Sympathy

Although you haven't left your name, I feel for you. I also lost my Dad very suddenly and the shock is enormous. It's early days for you and you will come to terms with what has happened.

In many ways, it is good that you are crying. It will help you to process your grief. A good cry is so much better than bottling it all up.

Do come back when you are ready and read some of the pages on this site about how to cope with your grief.

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Hi I lost my mum in jan 2012 and physically I am coping but mentally I am not what advice can anyone give me.

by Sonya McKnight

Hi I lost my mum in jan 2012 and mentally I am not coping I miss everything about my mum what advice can anyone give me I do not want to feel this way year after.

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Oct 24, 2013
Coping with Loss of Mum
by: Lesley at Grief and Sympathy

Dear Sonya

We are so sorry for your loss and that you are finding it hard. Do read all the pages on our site about Dealing with Grief and Loss of Parents. You will find all the information you need in our pages.

The main thing you need to understand is that there is no time limit on grief. Everyone is different. But you won't feel like this forever. Do you have supporting friends or family? You need one understanding person to talk through your feelings. If you haven't got anyone, perhaps consider finding a support group. It also helps to write your thoughts and feelings down in a journal or diary, or write a poem about how you feel. Have a look at our page on writing through your grief.

It's also important to go out and be with friends, and continue with your hobbies.

You will never forget your Mum, but imagine that she is with you through your memories. Your memories will become pleasurable instead of painful if you think of them in that way.

I hope that others will come in here and talk to you about how they have coped with the loss of their Mum too. It is good to talk to people who have also experienced the same thing.

Look after yourself, eat well and try and sleep well. Get some exercise too, as all these things will help.

Good luck.

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I hurt my dad before he died

by Sucheta

Hi. Thanks for this space. Looking for a neutral mind to process my most possibly irredeemable situation.

I lost my father on March 28 this year to chronic kidney disease. He was 78. He was a doctor, a gardener, a teacher, a communist and my sage. I fought with him in a bid to spiritually better myself. But when the time came for me to share myself with him and share him with my world, he died. My struggle had been so hard and intense that I had forgotten its purpose towards the end. Though I had always thought it was intellectual rapprochement when actually it was the regaining of his trust which I lost when I discontinued my studies and taking care of him. I am from West Bengal, India, by the way, aged 44 years. I don't even have a child.

My dad, my baba was very lonely and had neglected his own health even though he had known of his kidney condition since 2015. When we finally came to know and acted, it was too late. He loved me intensely, perhaps the most in the world. But the evening before he died, I told him I would not publish the entire collection of stories and pieces I had written and which he had given me money to publish as they had been for him and if I had to give them to him it would mean their non-publication. He was intubated at that time and could not speak or open his eyes but was so hurt and angry it showed on his face. But I was slow to process and I said to him, I would do this the way you said I wouldn't and I still did. His face had flashed in hurt but I said my I love you and I left. Because he was in the ICU and I could not stay. He died in the morning.

For the last 21 years, I lived away from him, going home only once every two years or less. I did not discuss our emotional issues or tell him about my resolutions and the progress I had made in achieving them. I never told him how proud I was of him. And all the while he was sick, until he got intubated and we came to know he was dying, I lived apart from him in a different city and did not take care of him.

But in the period he was in hospital and before that last evening, he had forgiven me, told me he loved me and that I would be okay. Eventhough he was so loath to go and had his moments of doubting me. Because I had never given him any info or clue as to my own struggles, that I had never let him down once during my most difficult journeys, that he has been and will be the only rishi in my life. It was a different matter that he wasn't afraid, atheist that he was, as am I.

Still, I messed it all up again for him. I was reckless and cruel that last time.

He gave me 21 years to prove myself to him. I almost made it. What do I do now? My tribute he rejected. And in paying my dues to society, I could not pay my dues to him.

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Jun 25, 2018
Being true to yourself in grief.
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Dear Sucheta

Thank you for writing to us. Grief can be a difficult time.

Your name is lovely and the meaning - beautiful mind - gives me hope that you will find peace.

When we have children, we wish them a happy independent life, free to follow their own dreams. We do not own them and we cannot have our own unrealistic plans for them. You loved your father and he loved you. In the great scheme of things, that is the most important issue. You kept in touch over the years, visited him when he was sick and he must have been very proud of you. There are many parents who do not have that contact and love. Giving support, guidance and love is a parent's role.

It is so common after losing a loved one to have regrets and guilt over events that happened between you over the years. However you know he loved you, he knew you loved him. Hang on to that thought and let the negative feelings float away. They serve no useful purpose at all.

He would love you to continue your life as a happy, fulfilled person and whether you publish your writing is entirely your choice and any decision you make is only yours and always was.

Many ladies your age do not have children, that again is their choice in many cases - choosing a career pathway instead. There is nothing unusual in that.

Freedom and choice of how we spend our lifetime is ours alone.

You can say to yourself I am going to get on with my life in a positive way for my father.

He would not have wanted to be the focus of any unhappiness in the life of the daughter he loved.

Let yourself be that free independent person, let yourself enjoy this life you have.

Our very best wishes.

The GriefandSympathy Team.

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Father-in-law's selfish death- how to get over it?

by Annie Love

My boyfriend's dad died recently of cancer. We had about a year and a half with him from the day he was diagnosed to his death.

My boyfriend is very angry at his late father and I don't know how to help him. Bob, as I'll call him, spent his life working at sea. When he died, many people who the family had never heard of talked of how close they were to him and how much they loved him. Photos emerged of him partying and drinking with women and his family started to believe that he worked away because he preferred it there, and coming home was a chore. He seemed to have led a double life that wasn't discovered until he was gone which devastated my boyfriend and his mother.

Since being diagnosed, he spent all his time either elsewhere with friends, or in his garage working on trains. He spent all the money he had left on gadgets and the trains (which are unfinished and worthless) and spent no time with his family creating memories for them to cherish.

He left them no money to continue without him and he demanded a very expensive funeral.

My boyfriend, instead of being sad about his dad's death, is very angry at how he has left him to look after his mum financially and emotionally, with no support and feeling as though he never cared about them.

His behaviour after the diagnosis was selfish and reckless which I can understand but my boyfriend cannot. He feels his first reaction should have been to comfort his family and try to make up for some of the time they were going to lose.

Bob even wrote his own eulogy, in which he talked only of his wonderful stories from sea and his great friends. There was no mention of his family, which included a 10 year old adopted daughter he was leaving behind, or his elderly wife. My boyfriend had to go against his wishes and rewrite it because he was embarrassed to read it out at the funeral.

How do I support him? What do I say? He can't get answers from Bob, he can't vent his anger to him. There is so much unfinished business and I don't know how to help.

Thanks for listening.

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Aug 31, 2018
Acceptance of feelings
by: Jean

When someone in our family passes, we can experience so many different emotions and feelings. As someone who has lost 8 dear close family members in the past 10 years (including my Husband, Mother, Sister), what I have needed most is being loved and just feel all those mixed feelings. Grief is often a complex journey and is different for everyone. So do your best to accept his feelings and they will most likely pass in his own time frame.
Bless you and your Boyfriend. May peace be within you both.

Aug 31, 2018
Working through anger after bereavement
by: Betty from

Dear Annie,

Thank you for your letter and also thank you to Jean for her supportive message.

Your boyfriend is so lucky to have your love and support at this difficult time. It is not surprising that he feels betrayed.

Continue to listen to his concerns and support him as much as you can. Just being there for him is an enormous help. Anger is a common emotion after a loss. He is vulnerable at the moment and feeling a huge responsibility for his mother and sister. Eventually he will realise his energy needs to be spent on them and the anger will subside, but he needs to vent his feelings in order to move on. His father did not leave them for the other women so in his own way he may have cared for them even though he did not show a sense of responsibility at the end.

Having a diagnosis of only a short time to live can make some people only think of their own wants and needs. They do not realise how it affects the family too.

His mother and sister are very lucky to have such a caring son. He will need time to come to terms with his loss and the loss of respect for his father. He will not want to let his fathers selfishness ruin his and his family's life.

Our very best wishes for all your future plans but remember it does take time to adapt to such a huge change. To discover this level of betrayal makes everything so much harder.

Betty from the Grief team.

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Not coping well, think my mother died because of me

by Andrea
(Mighigan USA)

My mother's been gone 2 months now. I still say it can't be real, just can't be. She was 74 but sprightly, fun, loving, much younger than her age, and she was my light, my strength.

I was typing out a short summary of what happened, medically, but thought better to delete because it'd inevitably sneak in this or that about how stupid and ignorant I was for not doing enough to save my mother. Not that that isn't true, but I didn't want any room to give myself excuses or somehow assuage my guilt. And I had come here to address something specific.

Mom's passing was unexpected, within a day of going into the Emergency Room and being hospitalized, and traumatic. In the chaos of her hospital room, some of the hospital staff were trying to comfort me as I cried and bawled, and I heard myself saying, "She was my best friend." I said this about my mother, while she was lying in the bed nearby, still alive.

Then, after more crying and bawling, told by someone that I had to calm down and be strong for my mother, I went and lay down next to her. I held her hand and hugged her as I lay close to her. I continued crying and kept repeating that I loved her. At one point, I dozed off, then came back. I hadn't slept in 2 days, but that's just an excuse. And while she was struggling to breathe, I remember thinking, "Why is she taking so long?"

What is wrong with me? What kind of a horrible person says, does, thinks these things?

Why did I use the past tense when my mother wasn't dead? Why would I say "was" when she was still alive? How could I have dozed off when my mother was dying, on the verge of leaving this world? Why did I have that awful thought, as if I were impatient, thinking my mother was taking too long to die? It wasn't accompanied by any hopeful thought, like maybe she's not really dying because she keeps breathing, so why did I think that?

I love my mother, more than anyone or anything. So what is wrong with me?!

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Jul 31, 2019
So sorry for your loss
by: Lesley

Dear Andrea

First of all, may I apologise for not publishing your post sooner. I'm afraid there has been a glitch in the system and I didn't receive the notification.

I'm particularly sorry as you are obviously in such distress and feeling so guilty about your Mum.

You were in shock, and you may still be in that state now, and it's normal to feel as you do, but you were there for your mother. You lay beside her. You were there comforting her and no-one can survive without sleep. She knew you were there for her and loved her.

As far as the slip of the tongue, that is something anyone could do in such stressful circumstances.

Please forgive yourself. You sound like an amazing, loving daughter and I know your Mum would have been so proud.

You were lucky to have such an amazing relationship with your Mum. I have that too, with mine, - she is the author of this site - and it is a rare thing. It is something really special to treasure.

Try and remember the good times and not focus too much on the last day. It is the long-term relationship you had during all your life that matters, not something you said in extreme stress.

Guilt is a very common reaction to loss. Although your story is a little different to those we have mentioned on our page about grief and guilt it is normal to go over all the details of what happened and wish you had done something differently. But the whatifs don't help.

Give yourself permission to grieve and forgive yourself. I'm sure your Mum would forgive you and you would forgive her if she had done the same thing.

Feel free to write to us again and I hope you can find some comfort among our pages.


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Lost father suddenly

by Clovere

I lost my father completely out of the blue three months ago. He was 76, but a very youthful 76 yr old. Earlier in the year he went trekking in India by himself. He had a cardiac arrest attack and I cannot stop thinking of how I said I was too busy to talk (he would call me continuously ...more than my other siblings he relied on me). I miss him so much..and it was so sudden and unexpected. On top of everything, I can't get over the guilt and wish he knew how much I loved him.

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Sep 13, 2019
Loss of a Father
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

Dear Clovere

Thank you for writing to us. We are very sorry to hear about your sad loss. A sudden loss of someone looking so fit is a huge shock. You and the family must be devastated. Guilt is a part of the grief process. We all regret what we did or did not say. Your father knew you loved him and all his calls proved that. Think of all the times you did stop what you were doing and had long conversations with him. He must have really appreciated those times and knew there were times when you were busy.

Give yourself time to grieve and care for yourself during this difficult period in your life. He was a major part of your life and the difficulty is wanting his advice and support. You will adjust to coping without his presence but it does take time.

There are many pages on the site about loss of a parent and I hope you get some comfort from reading them. Keep in touch with family and friends. Take each day as it comes and it will get easier. The pathways of grief are heartbreaking at times. You had a father you loved and that is a privilege that not everyone has.
Now is the time to care for yourself and accept the enormous change in your life. You will never forget him but hang on to the happy memories.

Do not be afraid to ask for help from friends or a support group if you need it. Until we experience the loss of a close loved one we do not realise what grief really means.

Our very best wishes.


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Sudden loss of my Father

by Horatio

My father died suddenly of a heart attack exactly 14 days ago. I still remember, clear as day, how he called me about an hour before his passing, telling me that he was feeling uncomfortable and asking me to go over. I did the best I could, but I got there too late.

I knew he was gone the second I saw him lying on his bed, with his chest still and his eyes left open. I immediately called for help, and started CPR. I knew he was gone, and I knew there was nothing I could do anymore, but I continued with the CPR for a good 10 minutes before the paramedics arrived and took over. He was pronounced dead 10 minutes later.

I remember sitting there, hugging his motionless body, though I don't know for how long. I didn't really cry after they took him away, I just got up and banged my head against the wall as hard as I could, repeatedly.

Since then, I have tried to move on. I'm 27, an only child and have a mother who is dependent on me. I have tried to drown myself in work and study since then (studying for my MSc), but no matter how hard I try to let go, I am simply unable to do so. I can't properly eat, I hardly get any sleep, and wherever I go and whatever I do I am constantly thinking about my father. When I try to study, I lose focus and can't seem to be able to get anything to stick. When I am working, it's like I am functioning based on instincts and not really thinking and analyzing as I normally did before.

Generally I feel like a stranger hovering over my own body while it's functioning on autopilot.
I know I need to let this go and get back to my normal self again, especially now that I have to work full time and study at the same time, but I just seem unable to do so. I need help and advice. If you can offer any advice, it's greatly appreciated.

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Oct 16, 2019
So sorry!
by: Michelle

Hi horatio,
Im so very sorry for your loss x

I notice you feel you have to study and have to get back to normal life.

What if, just for a while, you dropped all rules, all thoughts of any "shoulds". Could you give yourself permission to grieve? Its a great loss, its hard to face, sometimes we try to run away from the pain, but it just wont stay in the background.

I lost my dad 9 years ago, there is no escaping the pain, you might as well let it in, its going to be there regardless.

I try to use gratitude about my dad and all he did for me to help when im grieving. I hope you know deep in your heart that this was not your fault.

Sending deep sympathy and wishes for your gentle healing.

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I’m scared that my memories will fade away

My Dad died of Covid just over a month ago, and I’m already having trouble remembering what happened when we were last together.

My parents both live abroad, but they visited in January for my 18th birthday. I also feel terrible because I never got to say goodbye. I didn’t realise how seriously sick he had been, and I was busy with schoolwork so I wasn’t even able to call as much during (what none of us expected to be) his final days. I know it’s not an excuse (because I should be calling as much as possible anyway, not just because someone is dying), but by the time I realised my mistake in prioritizing the wrong things, he was already on the ventilator. Even by that point I was almost certain he would get better. But he never did.

We would always message each other our I love yous every night, but that wasn’t enough. I didn’t know that the last time I heard his voice was the last time I would (same for a lot of people I guess, which is all the more reason to make sure we treasure every moment. I thought I lived my life doing that, but only when someone dies do you realize it was never enough).

I hate goodbyes, but I hate not getting the chance to say them even more. Unfinished business is the only thing that survived.

I can’t change what I did or didn’t do in his last days, but I hoped I could have the memories we shared from the rest of my whole lifetime to cherish, except I feel like they’re slipping away and I don’t know how to hold on. My Dad and I were unbelievably close, and I don’t ever want to lose touch of how we were. I already lost him once, I can’t lose him again - how do I stop it from fading all away?

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May 26, 2020
Treasuring the Memories after a Loss
by: Lesley from


I don't know your name, or where you're from, but we are so sorry for your loss at this difficult time.

Try not to be hard on yourself. You weren't to know what was going to happen and it's very easy to judge ourselves in hindsight. Would your Dad want you to feel like this?

You obviously had a wonderful loving relationship and he knew you loved him. He must have been so proud of you that you were working hard at school and would have understood.

As far as your memories go, I don't think they will fade away. I lost my Dad very suddenly 9 years ago and I still have many very vivid memories and even now new ones come up when reminded by family, friends or photographs.

You are possibly still in shock at the moment and that might affect your memories in the short term. Your brain protects you from the pain that some of these memories might evoke at the moment. They will come when you are ready for them.

In the meantime, perhaps keep a journal, write about some of the precious times you do remember so you'll have them for ever. You could also make a scrapbook of your Dad's life as a memorial to treasure. Write down all his favourite things like songs or tv programmes. Write down stories of his life and what he meant to you. Add photos and any other treasures you have.

One last thing, which can be a good way to forgive yourself is to write a letter of apology to your Dad. Once you've done that, imagine him receiving it, and then write what he would say back to you. I think you'll find you have nothing for which to apologise.

The grief process is not easy. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to work through it. There are many pages on our website that can help. Perhaps start here:

How to Deal with Grief

Wishing you peace and strength at this time.


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Finding it hard to enjoy my achievements

by Charlotte

My Dad passed away unexpectedly just under two months ago. I live in a different country, and with the pandemic I hadn't seen him in six months. We didn't speak often, as we've always been quiet types, but we were really close. He gave me the best advice and the best hugs. He was always so proud of all my achievements, no matter how small, and I loved sharing them with him.

Now I'm finding it hard to enjoy most of what I'm doing, and the small achievements I would usually tell him about seem empty. I'm trying to convince myself that he would still be so proud of me, and that I should find joy in what I'm doing because that's what he would want, but it's hard not being able to share this with him.

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Oct 19, 2020
Loss of Your Father in Times of Covid 19
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

Dear Charlotte

We are sorry to hear about the loss of your Father. It is always a shock, especially when unexpected, and you are quite possibly still in a state of shock, which can make it difficult to access your emotions, such as joy or pride in your achievements.

It is a sad thing that due to the pandemic you had not seen him for so long, but I'm quite sure that he would still be proud of all your achievements.

This lack of being able to share things with your loved one is a major part of grief. Continue to live your life saying to yourself "I am doing this for you Daddy". It does help in the early stages of grief. Two months is such a short time and you are only beginning to come to terms with this huge loss in your life.

Your loss has come at one of the worst times with social isolating, limited travel possibilities and is adding to everyone feeling anxious. Writing to us and reaching out for support is a good start. Chatting online with friends can help, as can online grief support groups.

You will get through this difficult time and eventually be positive about the great relationship you had with your father. He was proud of your achievements and your abilities. Always remember that when you are feeling low and learn to be proud of yourself.

Grief takes time. We can't rush it and two months is still in the early stages.

My very best wishes for your future.

Betty from Grief and Sympathy.

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I lost my dear father 25 days ago. Unable to think of life without him.

My father had a normal day, went for a evening walk and then to a restaurant with his friends. He was back home by 10 pm and got ready to bed. My mom was watching TV for some time and checked on my dad who switched off the light and slept. She locked all the main doors and went to the bedroom. It was not even 5 mins since he slept, my mom could hear him gasp for breath. She switched on the light and tried to wake him up but he was unconscious. She called for help and my neighbours helped to get a doctor and booked an ambulance immediately. They gave CPR but he was gone by the time he reached the hospital. They diagnosed as massive heart attack.

He did not have any underlying causes like cholesterol or diabetes. This was a sudden shock to my whole family and friends. How can life be so uncertain and unfair? We didn't get a chance to save him. So sudden that my mom is not able to cope with this pain. He was a jolly person, had lots of friends, loved food and enjoyed every small moment in life. He had nothing to worry about. He was only 66 years old. Life seems gloomy and scary. I am unable to sleep at night. I am very much worried about my mom. She cries a lot everyday. Worried about her health too. Please help

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Apr 28, 2021
Family grief for a loved one
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

We were very sorry to hear about your sudden loss. It must be a difficult time for you especially as he was so young and appeared so fit. The same thing happened to my husband, but he was so much older - 75 years. However the sudden shock left myself, the family and friends in disbelief for weeks. The shock I felt was some protection.

Having been a nurse for many years and witnessed long illnesses in patients, family, and friends the only comfort I had at first was that he did not suffer. Within 10 minutes of him going to bed he was unconscious when I followed him. He too had had a busy day and we had been out with friends. He had no apparent illness. He had a stroke.

This is a life changing event for all of you and the grieving process can not be rushed. All we can do is take each day at a time and get support from family and friends. Never forget how lucky you were to have had a great husband and father.

Grief is the price we pay for love. One day all the happy memories will return and comfort you all.

Be there to support your mother and join a support group if you need to. Have a look at our pages on losing a parent, and perhaps encourage your mother to read the one on loss of a husband.

Try to continue any work, clubs or church meetings you belonged to. Even if at first you feel as if you are a robot just going through the motions.

I wish I could say that this grief will soon pass but the process does take time. Do accept all the help you can get from friends.

Our very best wishes to you at this very sad chapter of life.

Life is a precious thing whether it be long or short and we never know the answer for ourselves. Do try to be positive each day for you and your mother. She needs you now more than ever.


May 12, 2021
A comment to the loss of you beloved father 25days ago
by: Anonymous

Am really saddened by your loss. I know its hard, me too I lost my father when I was 18 years old , he died in december 31 2020 , till now I still can't believe he left, so pray for him ,visit his grave trust u will be OK,one more thing comfort your mom and be strong he is in a better place

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How do I learn to be more patient with my Father now that my Mother has passed away

by Robbie

Eight months ago, my mum passed away after a long battle with brain cancer. I’ve tried to be there for my dad as much as I can, despite living in a different city and having a very busy career.

My mum did pretty much everything - she cooked, cleaned, managed the finances and other important things. Since she’s gone and I’ve been spending time alone with my dad for the first time in my life, I’ve noticed that he is pretty clueless when it comes to most things, almost to the point where it feels like I’m looking after a child when I’m with him. It has become so clear that my mum really did manage the marriage and my dad took a back seat. I love him and understand that he’s in a horrible and lonely place without his wife of 40 years, but I find myself becoming very frustrated when I’m with him. Has anyone else felt like this? I would love to hear some advice or tips from other people who learned to be more patient and forgiving with their father in the same situation.

I feel so guilty when I become annoyed with him and know that it’s me who has to change and learn to handle my emotions towards him.

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Jul 04, 2022
Dealing with Emotions
by: Lesley from

Dear Robbie

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Brain cancer is so traumatic. I lost my partner to lung/brain cancer just over a year ago, so I have some idea of what you have gone through. It is so tough.

Both of you are grieving and that involves so many emotions including anger, frustration, guilt and more.

I suggest that first of all, you need to be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for your lack of patience. It is completely natural. Look after yourself first and you'll find that you are more able to be compassionate if you are also compassionate to yourself. Take time to rest, relax, grieve and recover. It's so easy to get burned out when you're grieving.

Your Dad could well still be in the shock phase where it's hard to concentrate and most tasks seem to be too hard. Give him time and he may well start to cope better. My Mum (original author of this website) had to re-learn to drive and do her banking when my Dad died but she gradually did it and coped much better.

It's so hard to watch your parents aging and difficult to become the carer. We are also grieving the care and support they used to give us. Now we have to be the responsible ones.

Have a look at the Self-Care section in the menu of the website and under 'Dealing with Grief' you'll find sections on all the emotions of grief including guilt.

Things will get easier in time.

Wishing you all the best.


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Will this feeling ever go away

by Raegan
(Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada)

It's been almost ten years since I lost my parents. My mom was my best friend and I still think about her every day and still wake up crying most days. I was an only child and I feel so alone in the world. I find this hard to even type without crying. Will these feelings ever go away?

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Aug 05, 2021
Prolonged grief
by: Lesley from GriefandSympathy

Hi Raegan

Thank you for reaching out to us. Your grief does seem to be strong in spite of 10 years having passed, and it is obviously affecting your life.

I'm wondering whether you might want to seek some help to get you to a place where you can live more comfortably with your grief.

I'll give you two links below to help you work out whether you need help and how to find it:

Do I need bereavement counseling?

3 best ways of dealing with complicated grief

I hope that you find some answers.

We wish you peace and strength in your journey.


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Where to get help: 

Have You Considered One-on-One Online Grief Counseling? 

Get Expert and Effective Help in the Comfort of Your Own Home

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Online counseling can help by giving you that support so you don't feel so alone. You can have someone to talk to anytime you like, a kind and understanding person who will help you to find meaning in life again, to treasure the memories of your loved one without being overwhelmed and to enjoy your activities, family and friends again.

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Woman Crying. Get Started with Online Counselling

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Hypnosis for Grief - 10 Ways It Can Help You

Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.  

Read more about it here. 

For Remembrance: 

Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.  

Heart Shaped Sterling Silver Pendant for Cremation Ashes, Engraved Forever Loved

Memorial Jewelry to Honour a Loved One

Check out our lovely range of memorial jewelry for any lost loved one.  Pendants, necklaces, rings or bracelets, we have them all in all kinds of styles.  Choose for yourself or buy as a sympathy gift. 

Click here to see our selection

Create an Online Memorial Website

Honour your loved one with their own memorial website.  Share photos, videos, memories and more with your family and friends in a permanent online website.  Free for basic plan with no ads. 

Find out more here. 

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"The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do
To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life"

Our free downloadable and printable document "The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life" will help you to be positive day to day.  

The 10 points are laid out like a poem on two pretty pages which you can pin on your fridge door to help you every day! 

All you have to do to receive this free document is fill in your email address below. 

You will also receive our newsletter which we send out from time to time with our newest comforting and helpful information.   You can unsubscribe any time you like, and don't worry, your email address is totally safe with us. 

NEW BONUS - Also receive a copy of our short eBook - '99 Ways to Spot a Great Grief Counselor'.  Available for instant download as soon as you sign up. Never waste money on poor counseling again! 

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