In our life we may have many friends and family members, but usually only one mom. To lose your mother at any time is a difficult and sad time. She has known you all your life and hopefully was the one you turned to in times of need. A huge gap is created in your life, you miss the physical presence, the chats and smiles. You miss the talks about your school or working day and the gossip about your friends.
Here I will try and answer some of the questions you might have and give you some ideas about how you can get through this.
There are lots of different feelings you might be having when your mom has died. You may not be able to stop crying or you may be numb with shock and unable to cry for several weeks. These are both normal reactions. Don’t try to stop the tears when they are close - they are a good way to get rid of a lot of tension and pent up emotions.
You may think that a brother or sister is not as sad as you but we all grieve in different ways. Some are better at hiding inner turmoil. Your emotions are on roller coaster rides at this devastating time of your life. Try not to compare how you are feeling with other people. We are all different.
Asking “Why her? Why so young?” is pointless. Life spans vary so much and are not under our control. The years of quality time together are what is important. Whatever age she was someone will have lost their parent at a younger age. There are no reasons for how long all of us live. That is why it is important for us to make the most of every day of our lives.
The slings and arrows of life's misfortunes affect us all at some time in our lives. These traumas ultimately make us stronger and able to cope better in life.
Eventually coping without your mom gets easier. You will always miss her. You wish she was still with you but because of all her love you deserve to do well for yourself and especially for her.
Don’t feel that you have to think about her and your grief every minute of the day. You are allowed to laugh and enjoy things. You can’t be sad all the time, and your mom wouldn’t have wanted that.
Don’t worry about what other people think, they don’t know how you feel inside.
Try not to feel guilty. Everyone argues with their family members from time to time. Your mom knew that you loved her, and even if the relationship was not the best it could be, she was still your mom and you will still feel sad. The important thing to remember is that IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. These things happen and there is no reason and no-one is to blame.
You might be angry that you have lost the chance to put things right or tell her things you wanted to say. A good way to do that, is to write her a letter, or write it down in your journal. Talk it over with a best friend or family member.
You will never forget or replace your mother but you get on with your life for her sake, remembering all the advice she gave you and all the love and happy memories. You are sad because you loved her and that is precious.
Walking along the pathways of grief is always painful. It is often full of happy memories which you cannot face thinking about at first. But you will get to a stage where you can look back with pleasure at the good times you shared with your mom. You are not alone. You are walking along these paths with your family too. You will cope because of the strength your mother gave you.
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