3 Main Goals for Resolving Grief  - Plus Tips for Achieving Them

By Elizabeth Postle - A healthcare professional with over 45 years experience of helping people cope with death and grief. 

On this page we share three goals which can be a good focus to work towards during the grieving process. It will take time and there will be set backs, so don't be hard on yourself if you can't get there all at once.  It is not the destination that counts, but the journey.  

We are all trying to reach these goals but even when they are reached, it is not necessarily permanent.  Grief can creep back at any time, and we do need to give ourselves time to grieve too. 

Acceptance Quote: The best thing you can do when it is raining is LET IT RAIN. Photo by Photo by Sarah Diniz OuteiroPhoto by Sarah Diniz Outeiro

1.  Grief Acceptance

Acceptance is the big one.  There are several things that we need to accept on our grief journey.  

Acceptance of your loss and that it really has happened can take a long time.  It can be particularly hard if you weren't present when the person died.  Many people go into denial and it can take years before you can face and process the grief.  Getting involved with the funeral, writing a journal, or talking it through with a trusted friend or family member can help.   

Read my story of grief denial here

Acceptance of the new person you have become.  We will never be the same person after a major loss in our life.  Working out your new identity and who you are now can be a difficult process.  It is common to have trouble with a loss of self-identity after a bereavement.  Accepting your new identity and living the life of the new you is a huge step forward.  You have faced a huge challenge and come out of it a stronger person. 

There will be times along the grief pathways when you think acceptance won't be possible. It takes time and also the will to succeed for yourself, family and friends.

Acceptance comes with a feeling of well being and knowing that you are coping despite your loss. Your loved one would have been proud of you. 

There are many ways in which you can work towards acceptance.  

Read about how yoga helped our friend and teacher Ruth to come to terms with her grief. 

You may also wish to try Meditation for Grief or Hypnosis Downloads. 

2. Joy in Living. 

It may seem impossible at first, but you can find joy in living again and this is a good goal to work towards.  After all, life is precious and short and we need to make the most of it. No-one knows how much time we have left.

The first step in our second goal is to learn to cope with day to day situations.  This alone can be hard due to the fact that our loss has created a huge change in circumstances that at first we do not understand.  Take it slowly and tackle one small task or challenge at a time.  Each time you achieve one of these steps, you can feel proud of yourself and know that it will be easier the next time.   

There is no magic wand but the power of positive thinking.  Your determination to remember your loved one with happy thoughts and know how lucky you were to have known them will help. 

One day you will be shocked when you realise that you have enjoyed an outing with friends or family or you are uplifted by a beautiful view or a piece of music.  Something you have long hoped to enjoy without the feeling of guilt or sadness that your loved one is not here to share it.   

After all the sadness, joy can creep up on you and the realisation that you can enjoy life again is a huge goal met. It may take time but it happens.

3. Finding Meaning in Life After Grief

It can be hard to find meaning in our lives when we lose someone.  We often lose part of our identity and function in life when a partner or child dies.  But we can find a new purpose and gain satisfaction from doing something fulfilling or useful. 

This too takes time and your purpose often creeps up on you without you realising.  It may be charity work or a new job.  It might be caring for grandchildren or looking after a neighbour.

Perhaps it is something creative like getting into painting again, or writing your life story.  Perhaps it is travelling to all those places you have had on your bucket list. 

Your goal is individual for you.  Work out a list of things you would love to do, get started and you will find your meaning in life. 

We have a page of activities which may give you some ideas to get started. 

This is your precious time, so most of all do not waste it.  Let your heart be full of gratitude for the time you have left and fill it with meaning and joy in memory of your loved one.  

Get Private and Confidential Help in the Privacy of Your Own Home

Do you feel alone and sad with no support and no idea how to move forward?  It can be tough when you are stuck in grief to find the motivation to get the most out of your precious life. 

Online counseling can help by giving you that support so you don't feel so alone. You can have someone to talk to anytime you like, a kind and understanding person who will help you to find meaning in life again, to treasure the memories of your loved one without being overwhelmed and to enjoy your activities, family and friends again.

  • Simply fill out the online questionnaire and you will be assigned the expert grief counselor most suitable for you.  It only takes a few minutes and you don't even have to use your name.  
  • Pay an affordable FLAT FEE FOR UNLIMITED SESSIONS.  
  • Contact your counselor whenever you like by chat, messaging, video or phone. 
  • You can change counselor at any time if you wish.
  • Click here to find out more and get started immediately. 
  • Or read more about how online counseling works here.  
  • To be upfront, we do receive a commission when you sign up with Betterhelp, but we have total faith in their expertise and would never recommend something we didn't completely approve.  
Woman Crying. Get Started with Online Counselling

Related Pages: 

How to Deal with Grief

Elizabeth Kubler Ross and the Stages of Grief

Emotions of Grief

> > Goals for Resolving Grief

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Hypnosis for Grief - 10 Ways It Can Help You

Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.  

Read more about it here. 


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