Lost My Son to Cancer - Feeling So Guilty
by A Mother
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I lost my 19 yrs old son to cancer 9 months back. He was in college when diagnosed and we brought him home and within 10 months he left us. We never imagined he will not survive.
He was doing good until last 3 months. My husband was mostly with him in the hospital for the last three months. I used to visit him 2-3 times a week. I have other child who has bit of autism who won't leave me alone longer. But, I feel so guilty of not visiting my son more often that these thought come in my mind anytime and very often and I would cry. I feel why I did not take sabbatical from work and visit my son every day when my other child was in school. Not only this, I remember each and every time I scolded my son since he was a child and feel so bad - why did I do that?
There are many other things, I don't know how to stop thinking so negatively. I know I am a normal parent and behaved like a normal parent but if I knew he was with us for a short time, I would have cared for him so much.
Thank you so much for reading.
How do you answer: “how many children do you have?” when you have lost a child?
I had a little girl who died at birth two years ago and I have 2 other children, a boy and a girl. I find it so difficult to answer this question, as I don't want to talk about the loss of my little girl in every casual conversation, but at the same time, it's so painful to say 2 children and it makes me feel so guilty.
I'd be interested in knowing what do other people say?
My beautiful daughter is dead and I feel the same
(Boca Raton, Fl. )
My daughter was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer in March of 2015. I knew it was fatal and I watched her suffer until August 16, 2015. I was called to her bedside ..she was in hospice care at her home. My denial was over the top. When I knelt at her bedside I touched her and the nurse screamed "You can't touch her because of the pain" Her arms went up in the air and I felt nothing...just numb.
She could no longer see...her eyes were open and glazed over...I whispered in her ear that mommy was here and that I loved her more than anything.
30 seconds later she was dead. I passed out and when I came to my son had carried me outside...I was numb. I was in shock as I understand it. I have not cried for more than 1 time for 30 seconds. That was more than a year ago and I still ask GOD to bring her back. All words...no emotion.
What can I do to come back to life?
Lost my Son to a Motorcyle Accident - How Do I Cope?
My 19 yy old son Brandon Died due to a motorcycle accident... How do I go the rest of my life feeling like this every day. I wake up wanting to call him or invite him for dinner, songs on the radio, friend of his I pass. What do I do with me, my life included him. I can't just change it. I don't want to...I want him back
Grieving an estranged adult child
Does anyone else have experience of grieving intensely for the loss of estrangement from a child who has turned against them?
I have been plunged into a pit of depression and grief by my 31-year-old daughter, who has severed contact with me after several years of limited communication. I love her dearly, but she has struggled with psychotic depression and seems to blame me. I am so sad. How do I get over it?
Lost My Daughter to Cancer During Covid 19
Lost my 27 year old daughter to cancer and feel torn. Yes she felt unwell for the past 2 weeks but treatment was stopped 2 months ago because of Covid...this also meant that she didn't get appointments or see doctors etc. because of lockdown.
She was scared to go to the hospital because of Covid and even rang to ask for advice. She was told possible infection and prescribed antibiotics.
I just feel that she was let down by the lack of support for a pre existing condition. While I understand that resources are stretched by Covid I can't be the only one to have lost someone in these circumstances. I still feel angry but shitty for feeling this way because while A&E moved mountains to try to help her it may not have been necessary had she still had normal access to the cancer unit.
ARE YOU A BEREAVED MOTHER OR FATHER?
We are two bereaved parents who have teamed up with researchers at Yeshiva University and Memorial Sloan Kettering to study how the death of a child impacts parents’ lives, and the resulting ripple effects as life continues without our children. We invite you to participate in a survey which will help us develop resources to better support parents experiencing the heartbreak of child loss.
For mothers or fathers who have lost a child (or children) of any age, and would like to make a contribution to our understanding of bereaved parenthood, this is a way to make a difference.
If you would like to participate in our study, please fill out this confidential survey at https://yeshiva.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cUXcBDFIiWAg6Ng It will take about 20 minutes.
For more details, you can contact the Principal Investigator:
Kailey Roberts, PhD, Assistant Professor of Clinical Psychology, Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology, Yeshiva University.
Thank you for your consideration --
Judith Kottick, LCSW and Jean Singer, PhD
IRB Approved at the Study Level, May 10, 2021. #30499052.0
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