By Frances who experienced the loss of her dearly beloved big brother when he was 40 and she was only 23.
Some people tend to imply that the loss of a brother is not as painful as that of the loss of a parent or a partner, but I beg to disagree. The pain and the void are no different. Losing a brother will be like coming home to an empty house. For the first time, you will miss the annoying sound of his bullying. You will search for the messy clothes scattered on the sofa, or expect him to be snatching your food at any moment.. You will look around and see a peaceful house without his crazy antics, loud laughter, and petty fights, but you know that this was not the peace you wanted. Silence has never been this uncomfortable.
This is how his absence sets in. You lost your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time. You will go into his room, sit on his bed, and hold on to every little thing that still bears his presence. His scent will linger along with the fading memories of all your good times. The pain will creep slowly into your system, and a part of you does not want to believe it yet. He was just here yesterday, calling you funny names and teasing you over the phone. He was just here reminding you that you cannot have a boyfriend unless they beat him at some stupid games. He was just here loving you in a subtle and weird way as every brother does. Who would have thought that he would be gone in a blink of an eye?
The acceptance will not spread like wildfire. Instead, it will be a slow burn. His death will sink in slowly as if it is just a bad dream and there is still a chance to wake up. You will wrap yourself in memories of the good old days when life was as simple as playing heroes and villains. Your big brother was always your brave knight who would come to save you from monsters and bad guys. You will smile at the memory of him being your real-life hero against all the bullies in school and the jerks who came to break your young heart. And as you go through this painful stage, you have no other wish but for him to come and rescue you.
But you know that it is never going to happen anymore.
You know he is not coming back, so you have to take over his role and save yourself. You will have to endure the harshness of the world without your hero. There will be days that you have to cry alone. There will be victories you will celebrate without being completely happy. There will be good days that would have been better if he was here, ruffling your hair or patting your back.
The pain will be comparable to breaking your leg and losing your crutches, except that this pain has no end. You will fall on your knees and feel helpless because he was always one of your strengths. Your backbone. Your lifeline.
Regrets will then flood your thoughts. You should have been a better sibling. You should have ditched classes and come home to his birthday had you known his years were numbered. You should have appreciated every irritating tease while it lasted and told him how you love him still.
You should have answered his last call to you that you chose to cancel because you were in a bad mood.
And you wish you could turn back time.
But the hardest part is that death does not come in manuals. No one will tell you what lies ahead and what you should do to cope. No one will tell you how to grieve properly and how to heal quickly. Sometimes, there is nothing that you can do but sigh as you stare at the empty seat he used to occupy during family dinners. You wish someone would pull you out of this misery, but you know it does not get any better. You know this will not pass easily. You know that the pain will last with the memories, and somehow, it is a comfort to feel every tingle of it because it reminds you of the life that he had. The yesterdays that you shared.
Here's what I’d like to say to others who are living with the loss of a brother . . .
Be strong. There will be dark days ahead, but he did not save you from your problems before, only for you to give up after his death. Embrace the pain as if enduring it will make him proud of you. I know it will never be okay, but he would have wiped your tears and laughed at your messy face if he was here. He would tell you to be strong and to live for him. He would tell you to continue breathing no matter how painful it is to live without him.
Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.
Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.
Check out our lovely range of memorial jewelry for any lost loved one. Pendants, necklaces, rings or bracelets, we have them all in all kinds of styles. Choose for yourself or buy as a sympathy gift.
Honour your loved one with their own memorial website. Share photos, videos, memories and more with your family and friends in a permanent online website. Free for basic plan with no ads.
Our free downloadable and printable document "The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life" will help you to be positive day to day.
The 10 points are laid out like a poem on two pretty pages which you can pin on your fridge door to help you every day!
All you have to do to receive this free document is fill in your email address below.
You will also receive our newsletter which we send out from time to time with our newest comforting and helpful information. You can unsubscribe any time you like, and don't worry, your email address is totally safe with us.
NEW BONUS - Also receive a copy of our short eBook - '99 Ways to Spot a Great Grief Counselor'. Available for instant download as soon as you sign up. Never waste money on poor counseling again!