Grieving the Loss Our Childhood Home after the Death of my Elderly Mother

Our guest writer Wendy describes her shock at the intensity of grief she felt at the loss of her childhood home, on the death of her elderly mother. 

My mother died in May. She was ninety-nine years old and had had a good life as they say. She passed away a hundred metres from where she was born in Stanley, UK. She felt her life had come full circle.

In many ways I felt I was prepared for her passing but I was wrong. When my brother, Jim and I got together in the house where we had lived all our formative years, we were each concerned for the other. We knew Mam was being well cared for but she had chosen to pass and we knew we had to let her go. Our priority was for each other. Even though we never spoke of it, we both just knew. After all there is only the two of us.

Jim lives on Vancouver Island, Canada and has a wife, children and grandchildren. They will always be there for him. I live in Sydney, Australia and am a widow with no children. I suddenly realised how alone I am in the world. I have friends but they have families, which must come first. The aloneness was almost over whelming. The need for time to talk and touch with blood relatives was urgent. I realised Jim sensed my need and felt the same.

We had to prepare for the funeral, clear out the house, check all sorts of documents, and arrange things with the lawyer and real estate agent. It was very hectic and immensely stressful yet somehow Jim and I got on and worked together better then ever before. There was so much to do but we prioritised and it worked. We recognised each other’s strengths and let each other lead as appropriate. In all the emotional turmoil, stress and chaos we communicated better than ever.

An old family home

After the Funeral, the Shock and Pain of Losing the Family Home

The service went well. We managed all the legal stuff, the clearing out and the small but important things Mam had asked to be done with friends and neighbours.

It was time for us to leave and return home. Suddenly it dawned on us that we were leaving our home for the last time. We could never again just arrive and be welcome. No longer was it our house, our home. It was empty; it would belong to someone else. They would not know or care who we were or what the history of the house was.

I felt my deepest roots had been hacked away. I was afraid; I had nowhere to run to as a base, no refuge any more. I cried so much for that old stone terrace. I have travelled and lived all around the world. I always felt confident because I had that home to run back to if things went wrong as indeed they did from time to time. Now it was gone forever and I felt bereft.

It had a bathroom and kitchen from 1963. The shower dribbled lukewarm water; the loo flushed like thunder for ages. The kitchen was so small we called it a one bum kitchen. There was not room for two people to cook together. The living room was so small that more than three people meant we had go into the lounge room to sit. Over six and we had to use both rooms. We ate at a table pushed up against the wall and as I was the smallest (later the more agile) I had to crawl under the table to get to the fourth seat.

So Many Childhood Memories Were Tied Up in this Home

I remembered as a child having to go over the yard to the toilet as we did not have an inside toilet. Very inconvenient and scary in the middle of the night especially in a British winter!! I recalled squishing up in the settee to watch this new thing called television. It seemed to blow valves every week. I remembered watching Newcastle United win the FA Cup Final and all the men acting as if they had played every kick. I recall watching the coronation, which we had all heard about but the ordinary people had never witnessed. I laughed recalling my parents trying to get the Christmas gifts down from the top of the wardrobe where they were always “hidden”. My mother shushing my dad who was full of Christmas cheer and so not his usually coordinated self. My brother and I laughing under the bedcovers, trying not to make a noise and so spoil the illusion.

Walking away from that old, cramped, inconvenient house was unlike any pain I had ever felt. It was deep and sharp. Since then I have felt strangely adrift. Part of this is grief at losing my mother but the pain of losing my home is another, larger element and one which I had not thought about.

Trees next to the sea.  Dark and moody.

Why Do I Feel This Grief at the Loss of My Old Home? 

Is this insecurity? I know I am alone except for Jim and I think I can deal with that. It does not matter if I am in my apartment in Newport, or anywhere else, I am still alone. Is it recognising my own mortality? I thought I had come to terms with death years ago but perhaps I am wrong. Am I afraid of death? Not at all but I do want to live the life I have left as fully as I can. Is it about adaptation? I must recognise that my home is the one I bought for myself in Newport. This means I am my own person, my own entity. I am my family. I start a new chapter in my life. At my age that seems ludicrous but it seems to be true.

I recognise it is one of the many facets of grief. I grieve for my home, my parents, the happy times we had. Immediately after a death memories are painful. However after a while the same memories become precious because they are all that is left to remember the people, the events, and the home. It may seem strange to grieve for bricks and mortar but a home is as much a part of the family as the people and the pets. I shall allow myself to grieve how and when and for how long I need and want.

Recommended Read:  

Related Pages: 

Cleaning Out a Home after a Death

Loss of a Parent as an Adult

Best Books on Grief for Loss of a Parent

More Articles on Grief




Where to get help: 


Have You Considered One-on-One Online Grief Counseling? 

Get Expert and Effective Help in the Comfort of Your Own Home

The following information about online counseling is sponsored by 'Betterhelp' but all the opinions are our own. To be upfront, we do receive a commission when you sign up with 'Betterhelp', but we have total faith in their expertise and would never recommend something we didn't completely approve.  

Do you feel alone and sad with no support and no idea how to move forward?  It can be tough when you are stuck in grief to find the motivation to get the most out of your precious life. 

Online counseling can help by giving you that support so you don't feel so alone. You can have someone to talk to anytime you like, a kind and understanding person who will help you to find meaning in life again, to treasure the memories of your loved one without being overwhelmed and to enjoy your activities, family and friends again.

  • Simply fill out the online questionnaire and you will be assigned the expert grief counselor most suitable for you.  It only takes a few minutes and you don't even have to use your name.  
  • Pay an affordable FLAT FEE FOR UNLIMITED SESSIONS.  
  • Contact your counselor whenever you like by chat, messaging, video or phone. 
  • You can change counselor at any time if you wish.
  • Click here to find out more and get started immediately.
  • Or read more about how online counseling works here.  
Woman Crying. Get Started with Online Counselling

Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.  


Hypnosis for Grief - 10 Ways It Can Help You

Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.  

Read more about it here. 



For Remembrance: 

Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.  


Heart Shaped Sterling Silver Pendant for Cremation Ashes, Engraved Forever Loved

Memorial Jewelry to Honour a Loved One

Check out our lovely range of memorial jewelry for any lost loved one.  Pendants, necklaces, rings or bracelets, we have them all in all kinds of styles.  Choose for yourself or buy as a sympathy gift. 

Click here to see our selection


Create an Online Memorial Website

Honour your loved one with their own memorial website.  Share photos, videos, memories and more with your family and friends in a permanent online website.  Free for basic plan with no ads. 

Find out more here. 


Keep in touch with us: 


Sign up for our newsletter and receive:

"The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do
To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life"


Our free downloadable and printable document "The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life" will help you to be positive day to day.  

The 10 points are laid out like a poem on two pretty pages which you can pin on your fridge door to help you every day! 

All you have to do to receive this free document is fill in your email address below. 

You will also receive our newsletter which we send out from time to time with our newest comforting and helpful information.   You can unsubscribe any time you like, and don't worry, your email address is totally safe with us. 

NEW BONUS - Also receive a copy of our short eBook - '99 Ways to Spot a Great Grief Counselor'.  Available for instant download as soon as you sign up. Never waste money on poor counseling again! 


Join us on Facebook for articles, support, discussion and more.  Click 'Like' below.



Share this page:
If you found this page helpful, please share it.

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.