We interviewed grief researcher Anna Baglione PhD about how losing her father as a young child helped form her personality and her life choices. She helps us to understand what a child goes through when they lose a parent and gives advice on how we can help a child who loses their mother or father.
I was nearly a teenager when my dad died. I guess you could say he avoided all the teenage drama that comes with having a young daughter, though I’m sure he would have been up to the task.
It was . . . depressing. I went from having a relatively normal life to having to wear an ugly funeral dress and awkwardly comfort people who were trying to comfort me. I became a very angry kid. I distinctly remember getting pulled out of basketball practice once a week so we could attend family grief therapy. I hated it (God bless the grief support counselors). It was awkward, and I mostly just sat in the corner trying to avoid the uncomfortable icebreaker questions. I also dropped out of piano lessons. Things just became a mundane kind of sad.
We had to learn to lean on each other more than we were used to, for routine things like getting laundry and dishes done, or just figuring out “what’s next”? It was definitely a learning curve.
Family friends, my parents’ co-workers, teachers . . . everyone tried as best they could to help.
Not much - maybe if my mom had access to more financial resources things would have been a little easier. I was lucky - I ended up getting a scholarship to attend a really good high school, which helped. But I also remember all the rejection letters my mom got for tuition assistance. There didn’t seem to be any consideration for widows, in that respect.
I think I’ve become more empathetic, for sure. While the experience of going through grief was an unwelcome one, the empathy gain has come in handy.
It comes in waves. Conducting our CHI 2018 study on grief support groups, it felt like I was talking to others who understood me (and I could understand them and tell their stories). But once we submitted the study for publication, my body acted like it was going through grief all over again. I couldn’t sleep well, and I wasn’t hungry . . . empathy is a strange beast.
Be incredibly, incredibly patient. Let them be angry, or sad, or whatever they need to be. And help them find a creative outlet for it (e.g. photography, painting, music, sports). It helps.
Grief is tough, and sometimes life deals you sad cards. But it can serve a higher purpose, if you shape it into something meaningful over time.
I do think my experience (and observing the experience of a family member, years later) pushed me to explore grief-related research as a purposeful direction for my work. It just took me awhile to realize I could do that kind of research, and that it could potentially benefit other people by giving a voice to their stories.
We are most grateful to Anna for working with us and sharing her valuable insights. If you are still coping with issues from losing a parent at an early age, have a look at some of our pages below, or see whether you might need counseling here.
How to Cope with Losing a Parent
Helping Children Cope with Grief
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Do you feel alone and sad with no support and no idea how to move forward? It can be tough when you are stuck in grief to find the motivation to get the most out of your precious life.
Online counseling can help by giving you that support so you don't feel so alone. You can have someone to talk to anytime you like, a kind and understanding person who will help you to find meaning in life again, to treasure the memories of your loved one without being overwhelmed and to enjoy your activities, family and friends again.
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Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.
Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.
Check out our lovely range of memorial jewelry for any lost loved one. Pendants, necklaces, rings or bracelets, we have them all in all kinds of styles. Choose for yourself or buy as a sympathy gift.
Honour your loved one with their own memorial website. Share photos, videos, memories and more with your family and friends in a permanent online website. Free for basic plan with no ads.
For USA Residents:
Please help our colleagues at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, and Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, USA by joining in their research study:
Losing a child to cancer is devastating, and there is a critical need to develop effective supports.
A federally-funded study in the United States (US) evaluating different types of support for bereaved parents is currently seeking participants. Parents residing in the US may be eligible if they lost a child diagnosed with cancer at least 6 months ago and live in one of the following states: NY, NJ, PA, CT, FL, or TN (other eligible states are being added, please complete the survey to check with us).
To find out if you may be eligible, please click here, visit our website at bereavedparentsupportstudy.com, or email us at parentstudy@mskcc.org.
Our free downloadable and printable document "The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life" will help you to be positive day to day.
The 10 points are laid out like a poem on two pretty pages which you can pin on your fridge door to help you every day!
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