Infidelity can have a huge effect on children, even if you think they don't know what is going on. They are very good at detecting a change in parents' relationships. They will worry about what is going on and may even think it could be their fault. It can affect their mood, their school work and many other aspects of life. It is important to be alert to the signs we have pointed out below and help them deal with the grief which can be caused by any infidelity in their family.
Sometimes couples slip into a situation of taking each other for granted, and a new relationship develops without them having had any intention of letting it happen. Others just can't resist the thrill of the chase and the excitement of a new relationship and some are serial offenders. Sometimes affairs may go undetected for years by the partner and children, but once the affair is out in the open it can have a devastating effect on the children.
Adults may get into these situations and end up having an affair without considering the enormous consequences and the trauma to their kids.
Parents like to pretend to themselves that they have hidden the atmosphere between them from the children, but children are very sensitive and even if they don't know about the affair will often detect that something has changed and there is an atmosphere.
If children get to know about an affair, or even if the parents think they have shielded them from the information but they sense something is up, it can very stressful for them.
If they don't know what's up, they might imagine all kinds of things or think that the atmosphere is somehow their fault. If they do know, then they will be worrying about whether or not their parents are about to get divorced and they will lose one of them.
There can even be situations where the child knows about the affair but the partner doesn't. Maybe a school friend has seen the parent with their new boyfriend or girlfriend and told the child. Imagine the stress that could cause a child. They might even be bullied by other kids who have seen the child's parent with someone else.
Parents should always be alert for any of the symptoms below in a child and try to get to the bottom of what is causing the upset. Kids cope with grief well if they are kept in the loop. The worst thing is leaving them wondering what is going on.
Teachers are often the ones who notice that something is wrong when a child's schoolwork starts to suffer.
Other symptoms of stress and grief children may suffer could include:
Many teachers wish that parents would stay together for the children's sake at least until the school exams are over or they are older. Others believe that living in a household where the parents are no longer getting along is a worse scenario.
Every situation is different and it's impossible to generalise. Either way, the above are all symptoms of grieving, where a child is worried that they are going to lose a parent, or have already lost them if they have moved out of the house.
If the child knows about the infidelity, they are likely to feel betrayed by that parent and may lose respect for them. This can lead to problems of discipline from that parent, arguments and bad behaviour aimed at the parent who had the affair. It can take a long time to regain that respect.
During my years as a health visitor I met many families and many teenagers, who talked to me about the difficulties they faced when a mother or father was unfaithful.
Here are some ways to help the children during these difficult times:
Try relationship counseling if you feel that your partnership can be saved. We recommend online counseling for it's confidentiality and flexibility. You can read more about it on this link:
Online Relationship Counseling
Or try a hypnotherapy session to help you cope with the infidelity and move on:
Surviving infidelity in your relationship
or choose from a large range of relationship help downloads:
Helping Children Cope with Grief
Get Expert and Effective Help in the Comfort of Your Own Home
The following information about online counseling is sponsored by 'Betterhelp' but all the opinions are our own. To be upfront, we do receive a commission when you sign up with 'Betterhelp', but we have total faith in their expertise and would never recommend something we didn't completely approve.
Do you feel alone and sad with no support and no idea how to move forward? It can be tough when you are stuck in grief to find the motivation to get the most out of your precious life.
Online counseling can help by giving you that support so you don't feel so alone. You can have someone to talk to anytime you like, a kind and understanding person who will help you to find meaning in life again, to treasure the memories of your loved one without being overwhelmed and to enjoy your activities, family and friends again.
Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.
Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.
Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.
Check out our lovely range of memorial jewelry for any lost loved one. Pendants, necklaces, rings or bracelets, we have them all in all kinds of styles. Choose for yourself or buy as a sympathy gift.
Honour your loved one with their own memorial website. Share photos, videos, memories and more with your family and friends in a permanent online website. Free for basic plan with no ads.
For USA Residents:
Please help our colleagues at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, and Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, USA by joining in their research study:
Losing a child to cancer is devastating, and there is a critical need to develop effective supports.
A federally-funded study in the United States (US) evaluating different types of support for bereaved parents is currently seeking participants. Parents residing in the US may be eligible if they lost a child diagnosed with cancer at least 6 months ago and live in one of the following states: NY, NJ, PA, CT, FL, or TN (other eligible states are being added, please complete the survey to check with us).
To find out if you may be eligible, please click here, visit our website at bereavedparentsupportstudy.com, or email us at parentstudy@mskcc.org.
Our free downloadable and printable document "The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life" will help you to be positive day to day.
The 10 points are laid out like a poem on two pretty pages which you can pin on your fridge door to help you every day!
All you have to do to receive this free document is fill in your email address below.
You will also receive our newsletter which we send out from time to time with our newest comforting and helpful information. You can unsubscribe any time you like, and don't worry, your email address is totally safe with us.
NEW BONUS - Also receive a copy of our short eBook - '99 Ways to Spot a Great Grief Counselor'. Available for instant download as soon as you sign up. Never waste money on poor counseling again!