Not everyone will find coping with grief comes naturally. I hope my advice will make it easier for you to handle grief after the death of your loved one.
It can be easy to give in to overwhelming feelings of sadness. But I hope that my experience as a nurse and my own personal experience of how I coped with my own grief may help you to change the way you think about your loss, and start you on the road to living your own life again and finding happiness.
The key is to focus on the quality of life you had together with your loved one. Remember the love you had, the memories you shared and celebrate this. Not everyone gets to experience what you have had with your loved one. Appreciate that wonderful chapter of your life. You can’t regret that you had that experience. You grieve because you loved, so celebrate the love you shared, never forget, but learn to cope. Forgive yourself for any feelings of guilt, for what you did or didn’t do or say.
At first there are lots of things to do, organising the funeral, the flowers, the caterers. Sorting out finances and solicitors.
After the funeral the shock is wearing off. People go back to their jobs and families and your life has to go on without your loved one. This can be the most difficult time.
Tears are never far away. Songs, sights and smells may set you off. Cry, move on. Tears are healing. But don’t wallow in self-pity.
Say loudly; “I am fine, I can cope, I’m going to make the most of my lifetime now.”
Give yourself permission to laugh too.
A lack of conversation about everyday things leads to loneliness and adds to grief. Talk to friends and family each day. Don’t be afraid to talk in a normal way about your loved one. Friends are often unable to bring the loss into the conversation in case of upsetting the bereaved.
When you’re at home listen to your
favourite radio programmes or have the TV on. It’s good company.
You feel less alone. Or play your favourite music. The same goes
for in the car.
Keep busy. Clean the house, pay your bills. Ring your friends or write some letters or a diary.
Living through difficult periods of life makes you into a stronger person.
Life is a privilege, not a right. Every life is precious no matter how long or short. Remember your life is precious too. Move on and treasure your own life too. Do the things you always wanted to do but put off. Then start ticking them off as you do them. Your lifespan could be short too.
Go on holiday with a friend.
Plan, organise, move on.
Allow yourself to laugh and love again. This is now your precious time, you need to use wisely. Learn to enjoy the company of your other family and friends. If you’ve lost a child, love your other children or nieces, nephews, friends. Don’t spoil their lives, enjoy their company. Make new friends. Your loved one wouldn’t like you to be miserable for them.
No one says coping with grief is easy, but if you get on with life, it will become better each day.
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The Magnolia is one of the earth's oldest plants, with a spectacular flower which dates back 95 million years. What a beautiful specimen to commemorate a life.
These trees are grown by the foremost magnolia nursery in the country and they will send a variety most suited to the recipient's climate.
The flowers in spring will bring joy to the bereaved and help to heal their heart.
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