Abortion grief is a fairly modern phenomenon. In many societies legal abortion is now allowed. It is a woman’s choice and in many circumstances it is unavoidable. In some countries such as China where there is a one child policy, abortions are sometimes carried out against the mother’s will.
Even when abortion is the choice of the mother, however, it can create bereavement and grief that women do not expect. You are left wondering how that baby would have grown up. Would it have been a boy or a girl? It is a huge loss and a natural grief which you may not have foreseen. The grief can go on for many years if it is not acknowledged.
There may be an effect on having children in the future. The guilt may cause worry about future miscarriages and the ability to carry a baby to term.
Mother nature has created a strong urge to procreate during the child-bearing years. The mothering instincts are strong. Sexual urges are difficult to control at certain times of the month. These days birth control is readily available in western societies, but it is not 100% effective.
Therefore many mothers to be find themselves in difficult circumstances. They may be single girls with no financial means of supporting a child. They may be due to take exams after many years of study. If it was a fling, a one night stand after a party, they may not know the father. They may have been raped.
The mother may be a very young girl, or ill and due to have surgery. There are many, many reasons why these mothers to be choose legal abortion.
It is a huge decision and not usually taken lightly. However, the fear and anxiety caused by the unexpected pregnancy is often overwhelming.
All women know the mood swings each month caused by hormonal changes. After abortion the hormonal imbalance can be strong. The guilt, the relief which causes more guilt is debilitating. Many are totally bereft, and feel judged by society so keep quiet about it.
The shock, pain and emptiness felt is bereavement. It is the loss of
a child who would have been welcomed under different circumstances.
You grieve for what might have been.
It is a difficult loss to share. Society may be judgmental and you are afraid to talk about it. But treat yourself as a grieving person. Find an understanding friend or support group, and follow the coping advice in these website pages.
Forgive yourself, move on. You can only do what is best and right for the circumstances of your life at the time.
Allow yourself to grieve. Allow your hormonal imbalance to correct itself.
Get your life back on track and you will be a stronger person after this life changing experience.
There are emotions afterwards that you never expected to have, some low periods. Many of the emotions you feel will be the same as many of the emotions of grief that people feel after the death of a loved one. Read some of the pages on loss of children, or how to deal with grief from the buttons on the left hand side of the site, to help you deal with your grief. Hopefully this will help you to move on and allow yourself to enjoy life again.
Read more about “What is Grief?”
This page does not not aim to approve or disapprove of abortion, but to present the facts and to help those who have suffered grief due to abortion.
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