Multiple losses, abortion, family deaths, loss of job, loss of family support. . .
Hey. I'm a 21 y old girl from NJ .
I just want to share my story.
At 20 Years old I met the love of my life. We've dated for a year. We plan to move to Florida together, where his family resides.
First 6 months he has to return to Florida; death of his grandfather rocks him to the core, he flies home to be with his family and kids.
I'm left alone for our first summer and it's a cruel loneliness that overtakes me. I quit my old job.
He returns by the fall and we rejoice in seeing each other again, although separation from his mom and kids is hard for him.
We throw ourselves into work.
21st birthday. Few months later I get a great job.
I begin training for this great job, only to suddenly discover positive pregnancy test. I panicked, knowing that the stress of this job and my life habits are not good enough to sustain myself or my child. Money would start to flow in but at the expense of my health and health of the child. My family hasn't even met him yet, at this point.
I chose to go to Planned Parenthood and get an abortion. We are both distraught, especially me. I descend into deep depression, loathe anything to do with kids and pregnancy. It doesn't help that his roommate just discovers she's pregnant, and my supervisor at work is thrown a pregnancy party.
I threw up the first week of my new job, before my planned parenthood appointment.
Nobody except our mothers know. I'm in anguish by the time the appointment rolls around and I'm exhausted.
Then the death of my own grandfather happens right after the abortion.
Then I lose my job. I request time off, but I am let go after I return.
I've been unemployed almost 2 months, relying on my boyfriend's support. I'm in and out of the house due to difficulties with my family mentally and emotionally.
My only hope has been reaching out to family members hoping they will understand, but it's hard.
I just learned today that my Dad's godmother passed away.
Three family deaths in 4 months. Less than a year.
Depression eats me alive and feels like forever, but I refuse to let myself sink.
I am managing.
Thank you for letting me share my story, it feels better to share it the way I've felt it.
I write in a journal and write down my feelings usually but its comforting hearing the stories of others.
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