Loss of my baby brother back in 2005

I was born in 2002, so when my baby brother was born in 2005 & died on the same day, I didn't understand it well enough to mourn at the time.

Growing up, I never cried about losing my baby brother because he was gone before I could even make memories with him. His death just never affected me.

Now that I'm older, the realization has begun to settle in and I find myself wondering how different as a person would I have been had he lived?

Would I have gotten my driver's license earlier, learned to cook faster, just overall grown into an adult faster if he were around?

Although we never had any memories, I can't help but start heavily missing him and crying and hating the world for taking him away so early.

I want to know if anyone has advice for dealing with this type of loss with zero memories attached, just full of "what ifs" that I feel robbed from.

My mom went to therapy to deal with his loss but my dad refused to go to therapy, so I'm afraid to bringĀ up this topic with them and make them sad.

Comments for Loss of my baby brother back in 2005

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Nov 12, 2021
The Grief of What Ifs
by: Lesley from GriefandSympathy


Lesley here. Thank you for reaching out to us.

What you are going through is quite common when you have experienced the loss of a sibling you never knew. In fact, it happened to my mother, Betty, the main author of our website. She says she often used to wonder what her lost brother would have been like.

I think you have now reached an age where you are able to think things through, and to understand more of what your parents went through. Also, we have all been through such a lot of stress and grief with the pandemic and we are constantly bombarded with doom and gloom due to climate change, natural disasters etc. This makes us more susceptible to sadness and grief.

I would say don't be afraid to talk to your parents about it. I think they may be comforted to know that you care, and understand more now about how they must have felt.

Grief is always better out than in. Even if it makes them sad, it is good to feel our feelings. It helps us to process them and accept them.

Sharing memories of your brother's very short life, may well be healing for all of you.

Another good way of getting your feelings out is to write them down. I'm publishing a series of articles about grief journaling very shortly, so sign up to our newsletter at the bottom of the page and you'll receive an email when they come out.

All the best

Editor, www.griefandsympathy.com

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