Losing Multiple Family Members

by Chris Styers
(Canton, Mi. )

My wife lost her father, mother, and brother to COVID-19 on April 2nd, April 7th, and April 11th, respectively, this year. I’m very concerned for her. Her parents and brother were very loving and caring people. The parents' home, when they were children, was the place everyone hung out. Many of those kids regarded her mother as a second Mom. Her father was very hard working and would help anyone at anytime. Her brother was similarly caring. He loved his four children more than anything. He also belonged to a motorcycle club that did great things for many charities. He was very well known. We couldn’t go anywhere without someone knowing him.

Her grief is very intense. I realize this trauma isn’t expected to mitigate within weeks or months. I’m still worried that she is unwilling to accept this and start to heal. What can I do as her husband to help her navigate this tremendous tragedy? Also, what would you expect her disposition to be at this stage knowing that everyone grieves differently.

I feel so helpless as she experiences unwavering sadness and anger that this virus has destroyed her family. Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you,

Chris

Comments for Losing Multiple Family Members

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Jul 30, 2020
Losing Multiple Family Members to Coronavirus
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

Dear Chris

Thank you for writing to us. It is so difficult to imagine how your wife must be feeling after her multiple losses. It is also very difficult for you to cope and know how to deal with this deep sorrow she is feeling. We never get over this type of loss but over time we learn to accept what has happened and somehow cope day to day.

They will never be forgotten by her.

Anger and many other emotions are all part of grief. Why did it happen to them? Why do I have to cope with all this sadness? This is the time of the roller coaster of emotions which are so unpredictable. Tears, anger, jealousy of friends who all still have their families, so many anxieties plus the fear of the pandemic itself which affects everyone at present.

We have pages about all the different emotions of grief that you will all be feeling:

Emotions of Grief

The slings and arrows of life's misfortunes have certainly rained down on you both.

Take life a day at a time, be there to support your wife, listen to her concerns, which she finds overwhelming at present and put on your patience cap.

There are no miracles only time will help along with your support.

Our site has many useful pages devoted to Grieving Multiple Losses and coping with and explaining grief. Perhaps show your wife some of these when she is ready, but don't push it if she is not interested yet. It can be very overwhelming and people need to grieve at their own pace.

There are also contacts for online counselling services on the site if you feel that would help.

One day she will realise how lucky she was to have had such a loving family but that takes time. Grief is the price we pay for love and we would never want to miss that love, but the loss is hard to come to terms with. It can not be rushed takes time and lots of support. I am relieved she has you in her life to help with that caring support.

Betty
GriefandSympathy.com

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