Late miscarriage, a stillborn and my mother's death

by Marianna
(Belgium )

Within 3 years I lost everything!!! I had a late miscarriage a stillborn and a month ago I lost suddenly my mother. We were so close. We live in different countries but we were talking at least 3 times per day. I wasn’t there when she died. She was only 57 years old. I couldn’t go to the funeral because of Coronavirus. I feel guilty for that. I miss her so much. I miss my babies too. I had to give birth twice and my mother was my rock. How can I live without her? I got so much love from her and now it hurts so bad. Every night I'm praying I can see her in my dreams but nothing.

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Apr 21, 2020
Dealing with Multiple Losses and Missing a Funeral
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

Thank you for writing to us. We are so sorry for your multiple losses and can not begin to understand just how difficult this must be for you. Not many of us have as many huge losses in such a short period of time.

Losing your mother so suddenly is tragic especially at an already sad period in your life when her support was badly needed. When someone has been ill and we worry about their health, there is feeling, a doubt, that they may not survive this. However a sudden death shows us just how vulnerable we all are. The shock, the trauma, is more difficult to accept and believe. All we can do is remember that grief is the price we pay for love and the fact that you had such a great relationship with your mother for many years is a huge positive in your life and will have given you lots of memories to sustain you during the pathways of your grief.

Everyone grieves in their own individual ways and there is no time limit. You will never forget the losses of your babies and your wonderful mother. There are many pages on the site on how to cope with loss from miscarriage, stillbirth and of your mother.

Coping with Miscarriage
Coping with a Stillbirth
Loss of your Mother

During the early stage of loss we can only aim to take a day at a time and survive that day. It does get easier with time but there is no shortcut. You will need a lot of support and do talk to close friends about your feelings by phone in these difficult times. On line support groups and online counselors are available from our site, if you find you need more help.

It is a particularly difficult time for you as you could not go to the funeral. We have included a new page on this with our reply as many people are facing huge problems with the loss of a loved one and isolation due to the virus pandemic. What to Do When You Can't Hold a Funeral. Reach out to other members of your family and have chats on the phone to your mother's friends. All contacts with people who knew her will be a way of sharing and talking about her life. A funeral should be a celebration of that person's life and communicating with family or friends and sharing memories helps if you can't have one.

By writing to us you have already shown that you are working your way through your grief and seeking help which is a good start. I wish I had a magic wand that could wave away your loss, but we are a resilient species and somehow whatever our world throws at us we get on with our lives. The slings and arrows of life's misfortunes have certainly been unkind to you but experts tell us that these tragedies make us stronger in the end.

Our very best wishes
Elizabeth and Lesley

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