I still cry

by Karen
(Vancouver Canada)

It has been 50 days since my husband passed. I have gone back to work, I try to fill my time up, gone to movies or out for dinner. But, every morning and just before bed I get very upset, crying and asking why etc. I do have some smaller times in the day where I get teary sometimes, when will I feel whole again. I loved my husband so much and miss him more than I could say. I am very lonely, but do have family around.

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Sep 07, 2020
Crying is a good release for grief
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

Dear Karen

Thank you for contacting us. We are very sorry for your loss.

When we lose a loved one we can be in shock for weeks or even months and unable to take in the enormity of that loss, so 50 days is really a very short time. Shock is, in many ways, a blessing but when the shock is wearing off and reality creeps in we can feel worse when we expect to be coping better. It may be that you are slowly coming out of shock and the reality of your loss is hitting you anew every day.

Read more about shock here.

Crying is a good thing really. It gets rid of lots of pent up anger, guilt and 'why me' emotions. It lowers your blood pressure and crying when sad is a natural reaction.

Even at work or with friends something will trigger a memory of your loved one and tears are never far away. This is the emotional roller coaster time and people do understand.

One day we will be able to treasure the happy memories, but this does take time. You will never forget your loved one, or the loneliness you are feeling, but somehow we begin to live life again as it is now.

You are doing well so early in your bereavement, seeing friends, going back to work and also by writing to us you are seeking support. It is good to know you have family support too. It's good if you have a close friend or family member that you can ring and confide in during the difficult times. It is helpful to have a shoulder to cry on but many of us try to hide our feelings.

There are many pages on the site which may help. Our newest one is 65 common grief reactions, which shows you just how many reactions to grief are normal.

Very best wishes to you.

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