I feel so many emotions and I don't know what to do

by Caroline
(Boston, M.A, U.S.A.)

Hi, I don't know how to start but here I go. On Valentine's day, I lost my ex boyfriend in a car accident. We had broken up a couple months prior and I was so hurt and mad. He called me almost every night and I refused to meet him and would barely talk to him on the phone. The BOOM! He was gone forever. I have so many regrets for not hearing him out and guilt that this all happened. It's been pretty awful. I had one sibling, my sister, whom we've had our ups and downs with due to an addiction but as soon as he passed, she was right there for me. Calling to see if I was ok, texting me, etc...but 6 weeks later, on March 31st, she passed on as well. I feel awful and lots of guilt like I didn't help her enough with her issues. I'm still in shock but mostly anger and sadness at this point. How could I lose my only sibling on top of this?! Why did this all have to happen within 6 weeks?! Also, on top of this, my Nana passed away as well 4 weeks after my sister. We weren't really close but I feel terrible for my Mom. My parents in general because now I am their only child. If anyone has been through something similar or has any advice, please help. Thank you all. ❤

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May 29, 2019
Help with Multiple Losses
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

Dear Caroline

Thank you for writing to us at this challenging time in your life. So many losses in such a short time are very difficult to comprehend.

The roller coaster of emotions you are feeling are all part of the grief. Many of us feel guilt following a loss, we think of what we said or did not say. The car accident was not your fault. You can read about guilt and how to stop blaming yourself here.

Your sister must have cared for you as she helped during your break up. That shows she felt you had tried to help her. Addiction is a problem and very hard on families. It was not your fault. At the time you and your Mom must have done all you could.

It is sad to lose your Nan as well at this already challenging time in your life and I wish I could say it was easy. However you will get through this and supporting your Mom is a good start.

So is writing to us and seeking help which shows that you are on the right pathway and trying.

Try to continue seeing friends as usual. Choose someone close to confide in on those very difficult days.

Visit your Mom and support her as you will both be feeling these extremes of emotions.

Don't be scared of tears, they are never far away and are beneficial.

Forgive yourself for these unnecessary feelings of guilt. We can all only do what we feel is right at the time and that is what you did when dealing with your break up and your sister's addiction.

Now is the time to care for yourself and your Mom. Your lives are precious and by supporting each other you will cope.

We have a page on the site about how to cope with grieving multiple losses. There are also some other forum posts about multiple losses if you look on the main Bereavement Forum page. Also there are a group of pages about the emotions of grief. During these difficult times it helps to know that you are not alone feeling these onslaughts of many different emotions.

Our very best wishes.

Betty
GriefandSympathy.com


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