Grief, not of something lost, but something that will never be
Forty years ago I fell in love with a man in my workplace. It was instant chemistry! We worked together for two years and grew very close. Both of us were married (I in a troubled marriage) so we never pursued developing a real relationship, except to have a meal together now and then and keep in touch discreetly via email, etc. We lost track of each other for 15 years, but reconnected online a couple of years ago. As we reconnected, I learned that he now lives only a couple of hours from me.
Since that time, we have met for lunch a couple of times but have still managed to keep our relationship on pretty much a platonic level. My husband passed away from Alzheimer's nine months ago, but he was "gone" for several years prior to his actual passing. Well, the platonic aspects of my forty-year relationship with this man (conducted mostly remotely) have gone by the wayside and we spent a night together, which was absolutely amazing.
He's still married (a somewhat loveless marriage) and has no plans to leave his wife, though our love is genuine and completely mutual. I know I need to let him go, but I find I'm incapable of doing that. Since our night together I'm an emotional mess - paralyzed. I can't sleep, I have no appetite, my house is a mess (and I don't even care). I know I shouldn't continue to spend intimate time with him, but I'm like a cocaine addict who was hooked with that first hit. I feel anxious, lost, and don't know how to get on with life without him. I have loved him for so long and don't know what to do or how to let go. Help!
Have You Considered Online Grief Counseling?
Get Private and Confidential Help in the Privacy of Your Own Home
Do you feel alone and sad with no support and no idea how to move forward? It can be tough when you are stuck in grief to find the motivation to get the most out of your precious life.
Online counseling can help by giving you that support so you don't feel so alone. You can have someone to talk to anytime you like, a kind and understanding person who will help you to find meaning in life again, to treasure the memories of your loved one without being overwhelmed and to enjoy your activities, family and friends again.
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Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.
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