General grief question

by Lisa
(Illinois)

It's been almost 3 months since my husband passed unexpectedly. How do I know I am handling the day to day stuff normally? And why is the first year equated to being in a fog?

Comments for General grief question

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Jan 09, 2018
The Fog of Grief - Shock and Numbness
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Dear Lisa

Thank you for writing to us. It is such a short time since you lost your husband, you are still in the early stages of shock and disbelief. It is difficult to define 'normal' in these circumstances.

Some people can not cope at all and need help with day today household tasks. Others find it easier to keep busy and try to do everything themselves, then they don't have to face what has happened to them. Coping with each day, surviving each day is enough of a challenge in the early stage of grief.

If you are at work are you getting the feeling that you are not coping? Do your friends or family tell you you should get help? Are you eating well? Do you get an adequate amount of sleep? Are you pain free and not depressed?

When grieving you feel anxious and worried about how you will cope alone. This is different to depression.

I feel you would instinctively know if you were not handling daily tasks adequately even if not as perfectly as you were doing.

Why do people say the first year seems to be in a fog?

Shock is a protective mechanism it helps us come to terms with very difficult episodes in our lives. The expression 'Numb with Shock, may explain this. We seem to have the ability to only let the pain of grief affect us a little bit at a time only what we can cope with slowly.

This means that everyone has a different time line on facing the acceptance of a death.
That is why at first you may feel that you are going through the motions of day today routines, but in a sort of numbness or fog.

You can read more about the fog of grief and how to cope on our page What is Shock?.

Feel free to write again by adding another comment if you'd like more clarification.

A sudden death of a loved one is very hard and we wish you all the best along the pathways of grief.

Betty and the GriefandSympathy Team.

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