Don't feel anything after multiple losses. Why?

by B'ann
(Pennsylvania)

I lost my dad in 2016, our son in early 2017, and my mother in 2019. I was sad and cried with my dad. I fell apart with my son but quickly got 'over' the crying, and hardly cried at all for my mom. I think about them, but there is no overwhelming sense of loss. I don't think this is normal. Is it?

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Jan 12, 2021
Grieving Multiple Losses
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

Dear B'ann

Thank you for writing to us. We are very sorry for your multiple losses and it must be difficult for you to have coped.

Your first loss was traumatic. If you had never experienced the loss of a close relative before it is a challenging time in your life.

To lose a child is devastating. We all expect to outlive our children and it is a huge loss.

The grieving process takes a long time and I suspect that your grief feels less severe because you are still coming to terms with the earlier losses and still grieving for them. Your recent loss is probably causing shock and you have not properly accepted it. Many of us are in shock for months after a loss and it is difficult to process what has happened. The shock protects us from the pain of loss. Yes it is common and your feelings are not unusual.

There are many pages on the site about multiple losses, loss of a child and the different processes of grief. It does not mean that you cared less for your mother only that you have not processed this loss yet.

You have had so much to cope with, you just need time to focus on yourself and daily routines. No doubt the shock will wear off in time and you will be able to accept her loss.

Our very best wishes to you. You have had such a difficult time, all in such a short space of time and it sounds as if you have coped amazingly well.
They say loss makes us stronger in the end.

Betty from Grief and Sympathy

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