by Christina

I need advice, mum passed in 2017 and then my dad in 2019. I am really struggling. Hiding it and getting angry easily, blocking people close to me and drinking more than I ever have (not every night but more than I ever would have). I’m working hard but feel my life is spiralling. I have a wonderful husband, no kids, but a lovely family. I just had a holiday and it made me miss them more. I physically aches for Dad, he passed In February. I hate to sound like a moan and I know I should be handling better, I am 42, I walk loads, I’m always busy, never took any substantial time off work after mum or dad. Mum was a long illness, scans and operations. Dad was an accident. I'm just devastated and I don’t know what to do. And help appreciated.

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Sep 11, 2019
Give yourself time to grieve
by: Betty from GriefandSympathy

Hi Christina

Thank you for writing to us. It is a good sign that you are seeking help. One thing most of us find difficult in life is caring for ourselves. You are not moaning, you are grieving.

Putting on a brave face is good, but we all need to accept that we need to let off steam and this roller coaster of emotions, lack of patience, getting cross easily, is perhaps your way. It is such a short time since you lost both your parents, the most important people in our lives, it is a huge loss. It is a very difficult time for you.

Do not judge yourself. It takes time to readjust and you will miss them, but at the worst times think of the happy memories.

Do not fight your emotions - if you want to cry, do - it is a great way to relieve tension.

Talk to a best friend, doctor or support group. We often feel alone with our grief so can be a help to know that others are struggling too. Perhaps create time in your life to grieve - joining a yoga or meditation group can help with that too.

You are doing well to keep on working and keeping busy does help but you still need time to accept all these necessary emotions which are part of the healing process. Adjusting to life without the two people who were always a major part of yours is one of the hardest things you will have to do. Give yourself time. You will always miss them, but in time will learn to cope and find pleasure in life again, knowing how lucky you were to have known their love.

We are pleased to know that you have a loving partner and your work, such good motivation to help along these difficult pathways of grief.

There are many pages on the site to help and online counselling if you need an in depth talk. Writing to us is a good start and you will cope, for yourself, your partner and your parents. They gave you this precious life of yours and would want you to have some quality time in what lifespan you may have.

Maybe start with some of the pages here: How to Deal with Grief.

Our best wishes for the future.


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