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I Lost My Dad - I Also Gained a New Life-Giving Purpose.

Our guest author Julie Saeger Nierenberg writes "I Lost my Dad" about the loss of her father to cancer and their last days together.  

Julie Saeger Nierenberg, Author of - "Daddy, this is it, Being with my Dying Dad".

While visiting my father in the hospital early in 2009, I learned that he had cancer of the ilium, a tumor right between his small and large intestine. This was some very sad news, especially when we also learned it was in Stage IV of development. Though the cancer was removed to every extent possible, its eventual spread was inevitable.

Over the following three years, doctors treated his cancer in a variety of creative and effective ways, and my father -- Daddy, to me -- enjoyed a fairly good state of health and vigor, walking daily, eating with his usual enthusiasm and sharing his zest for life with us all.

Then, in 2012, came the news that cancer had spread into multiple organs and there was nothing more to be done for him medically. Daddy faced the end of his life. Amazingly, with courage and grace, he asked each of his children very directly for our readiness to release him. And as he drew near to death, he encouraged me to write our story and share it with a reading audience. I agreed.

How I Dealt with the Anger I Felt When I Lost My Dad

I missed Daddy so intensely. A few weeks after his passing, I felt angry and deserted. He left me behind! All sorts of feelings bubbled up and, in response to my "tsunami" of grief, I began to write.

I began where his end-of-life story started, and wrote a little bit every few days. Crying, writing and reading what I wrote, I accepted what happened and integrated my father's physical absence from my life. I mainly wrote to help myself feel better, and the result was a short story about his end of life. A year ago, I published a little book called Daddy, this is it. Being-with My Dying Dad.

This may sound like the end of the story, and it is in one respect: Daddy is no longer here on this earthly plane and I can't change that fact.

But there is one thing I can do, every day of the rest of my life: I can choose how I respond to that loss and to the sorrow that I feel. "Everything is choice," I like to say. My grieving choices have created new and life-giving purpose.

With my book in print and e-book formats, I reached out to professionals who support the grieving and bereaved, chaplains in hospice and palliative care settings and counselors of the aging and of those who care for their dying loved ones. I offered my book and sent copy after copy after copy to anyone who expressed interest. Soon, I began to receive very affirming reviews, notes of gratitude and requests for articles and blog posts. Readers sent me their own stories, testimonies of unresolved grief and loss, of peaceful transitions and heartfelt connection, in response to a short little story of the intimate experience of being-with my beloved dad as he passed from his life and mine.

Now I feel connected to a world community of grieving souls. I learned that grief is not something to "get over," nor will I "move on" as I go forward in life. Grief is something that became (and becomes) a part of me, motivating me in new and prolific ways to awaken each day with purpose and conviction, confident that Daddy is with me, present in each new page that turns in my life. I feel his love, approval and the joy we shared in life, newly alive in my actions and responses to death and loss. Daily, he inspires a new life-giving purpose in me.

I love you and miss you, Daddy, and always will.

You can buy Julie's book by clicking on the image below. 

Daddy this is it by Julie Saeger NierenbergBuy Now

Related Pages: 

More Books on Loss of Parents for Adults

Help Coping with the Loss of Parents

My Son's Moving Article on Losing His Father



Where to get help: 

Have You Considered One-on-One Online Grief Counseling? 

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The following information about online counseling is sponsored by 'Betterhelp' but all the opinions are our own. To be upfront, we do receive a commission when you sign up with 'Betterhelp', but we have total faith in their expertise and would never recommend something we didn't completely approve.  

Do you feel alone and sad with no support and no idea how to move forward?  It can be tough when you are stuck in grief to find the motivation to get the most out of your precious life. 

Online counseling can help by giving you that support so you don't feel so alone. You can have someone to talk to anytime you like, a kind and understanding person who will help you to find meaning in life again, to treasure the memories of your loved one without being overwhelmed and to enjoy your activities, family and friends again.

  • Simply fill out the online questionnaire and you will be assigned the expert grief counselor most suitable for you.  It only takes a few minutes and you don't even have to use your name.  
  • Pay an affordable FLAT FEE FOR UNLIMITED SESSIONS.  
  • Contact your counselor whenever you like by chat, messaging, video or phone. 
  • You can change counselor at any time if you wish.
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Woman Crying. Get Started with Online Counselling

Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.  

Hypnosis for Grief - 10 Ways It Can Help You

Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.  

Read more about it here. 

For Remembrance: 

Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.  

Heart Shaped Sterling Silver Pendant for Cremation Ashes, Engraved Forever Loved

Memorial Jewelry to Honour a Loved One

Check out our lovely range of memorial jewelry for any lost loved one.  Pendants, necklaces, rings or bracelets, we have them all in all kinds of styles.  Choose for yourself or buy as a sympathy gift. 

Click here to see our selection

Create an Online Memorial Website

Honour your loved one with their own memorial website.  Share photos, videos, memories and more with your family and friends in a permanent online website.  Free for basic plan with no ads. 

Find out more here. 

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