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The Influence of Time on Grief – Thoughts on Grieving the Loss of a Partner

A thoughtful piece by Morgan Webb about the loss of a partner and how she needed time for grief, to find the stillness to face the sadness.

Breathing through Grief

I am sitting on the porch. The wind chimes fill the air with their quiet music. The breeze is cold on the tear tracks running down my cheeks.

I feel my knees on the yoga mat beneath me. The pine leaves dance in the wind. I focus on my breath, finding the stillness in that natural movement. That rhythm is always there, giving me something to come back to when I start to lose myself in my grief.

This is the hardest part for me, giving myself space to find stillness. I'm doing well these days. It's been eight months since I lost him. I'm happy most of the time. But most of the time I'm running around, juggling a million things. It's easier to be happy when I'm busy, when I can channel my energy into building my new life.

It's in the stillness that I remember that he's gone. That I can feel the lump of sadness that I still carry within me.

Breathing through grief. Beautiful still lake view.

Read more about Yoga for Grief

The Time of Grief and Loss

I'm starting to make peace with that. The grief is still there, but it's less violent than it once was. I still cry, some days. But not every day. Not for hours at a time. There is still a sadness, but it no longer feels like everything that I am.

I'm starting to make peace with the fact that the heart heals, just slowly. So many times I've thought I was fine. Thought that I had cried all my tears, that I was finally happy again. And then I'd hear a song or do something we always used to do together, and it would all hit me again. Maybe a little better, but still there.

I was starting to get so tired of it. I just wanted to stop crying. Stop thinking that I was better and then finding myself sitting tearfully in another parking lot. I felt frustrated that I wasn't over it yet. So many people in my life seemed to think I should be. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted to feel normal again. I wanted there to not be songs that could reduce me to tears. And I felt frustrated with myself for not living up to those desires.

No Time Limit on Grief

It was around the fourth time that I mentally declared myself 'over it' and then found myself crying once again that I realized I needed to let go of the idea of 'over it' entirely. It wasn't helping me recover. On the contrary, it was making me feel angry with myself for still being upset. It was making me feel bad for feeling bad, a negative loop that wasn't moving me any closer to happiness.

My heart is healing. I'm doing so much better now than I was a few months ago. I've stopped filling all my time to avoid thinking about missing him.

Grief Takes Time. . .

I take a deep breath. I feel the pain in my heart, but I feel the cold air filling my lungs as well.

  • Breathing in, I find the stillness. I give myself permission to be wherever I am today.
  • Breathing out, I remember how lucky I am to be alive.
  • Breathing in, I feel the truth of my heart. I remember that I miss him. I remember that it's okay to miss him.
  • Breathing out, I remember that time moves on. That I am healing. That I have never felt this before, so I cannot expect to know how much time it will take.
Seascape for Time for Grief

I feel the breeze ruffle my hair. I hear my nephew's laughter coming from inside and know that my moment of peace will soon be over. I am deeply, deeply happy. I am deeply, deeply sad. It's okay for the two to coexist. They don't need to war within me. I can love them both.

Related Pages: 

Books on Grief for the Loss of a Partner

Advice on Coping with the Loss of a Partner

Meditation for Grief



Where to get help: 

Have You Considered One-on-One Online Grief Counseling? 

Get Expert and Effective Help in the Comfort of Your Own Home

The following information about online counseling is sponsored by 'Betterhelp' but all the opinions are our own. To be upfront, we do receive a commission when you sign up with 'Betterhelp', but we have total faith in their expertise and would never recommend something we didn't completely approve.  

Do you feel alone and sad with no support and no idea how to move forward?  It can be tough when you are stuck in grief to find the motivation to get the most out of your precious life. 

Online counseling can help by giving you that support so you don't feel so alone. You can have someone to talk to anytime you like, a kind and understanding person who will help you to find meaning in life again, to treasure the memories of your loved one without being overwhelmed and to enjoy your activities, family and friends again.

  • Simply fill out the online questionnaire and you will be assigned the expert grief counselor most suitable for you.  It only takes a few minutes and you don't even have to use your name.  
  • Pay an affordable FLAT FEE FOR UNLIMITED SESSIONS.  
  • Contact your counselor whenever you like by chat, messaging, video or phone. 
  • You can change counselor at any time if you wish.
  • Click here to find out more and get started immediately.
  • Or read more about how online counseling works here.  
Woman Crying. Get Started with Online Counselling

Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.  

Hypnosis for Grief - 10 Ways It Can Help You

Try a gentle hypnotherapy track to relax the mind. Learn how self-hypnosis can help you cope with grief at any time of the day or night.  

Read more about it here. 

For Remembrance: 

Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.  

Heart Shaped Sterling Silver Pendant for Cremation Ashes, Engraved Forever Loved

Memorial Jewelry to Honour a Loved One

Check out our lovely range of memorial jewelry for any lost loved one.  Pendants, necklaces, rings or bracelets, we have them all in all kinds of styles.  Choose for yourself or buy as a sympathy gift. 

Click here to see our selection

Create an Online Memorial Website

Honour your loved one with their own memorial website.  Share photos, videos, memories and more with your family and friends in a permanent online website.  Free for basic plan with no ads. 

Find out more here. 

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Our free downloadable and printable document "The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life" will help you to be positive day to day.  

The 10 points are laid out like a poem on two pretty pages which you can pin on your fridge door to help you every day! 

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Grief and Sympathy


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